Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Adventure 6: 15th February 2005
"...no..the grater".... G'day all...(note to self stop talking like an Australian),...It's just been one of those weeks...had a real death defying heavy cold and felt like well someone who was dead but not quite, for some time...
The week has been pretty uneventful, apart from me trying to fit skirting board that's so warped it's almost cylindrical !!! Even the liberal use of the world famous "no more plaster" hasn't managed to stick it properly and the least said about the mitre joints the better.
We had a blokey bloke, come and "fit" our hall floor (how do you "fit" a floor incidentally, but no matter), which looks nice, if not a lot similar to what it looked like before, but still it was only £500 !!! (If I don't get sent some Allied shares soon there'll be trouble).
The car service is due on Friday so that'll be another £250+ and it's my eldest spawn of satan's 12th birthday (T minus 1 year and counting) next week and the father in laws and my sisters so February is looking REALLY REALLY crap so far....still I have the downstairs loo to change to make up for it...I know that's really going to cheer me up. (Note to self, make sure we have some clothes pegs)
Tuesday 15th:
08:40: Got to work, head is banging again..hopefully the Nurofen will kick in soon...
09:00: Invisible Dave is here !!! (hold the back page) apparently he's got a meeting with The Grand Wizzard, who's erm...working from home (funny that in half term week). Dave's out of the Portsmouth office so lucky he came to Basingstoke to have his conference call with erm...Portsmouth...Needless to say he's not happy, and is going to be making his way back to erm Portsmouth, real soon.
09:15: Quiet Rob, came up, I know he said something but I'm not sure what (lip reading was never a strength of mine)...I'm trying to find this web site that tells you how to do clever things with scripts but I can't for the life of me find it....aaaagghh...
09:30: No one is in, it's like it's a bank holiday and I've forgotten not to get up (not easy for me to do I can assure you). Alex Brent, hasn't been in since Friday (i.e. he was off Monday and no one knows why), Mark Silver Fox Bailout, is on a course, "how not to blame things you know nothing about" I hope (I put that in coz I know he reads this), Quiet Rob and Invisible Dave I've already mentioned..the one bright spark on the horizon is that the grand wizzard isn't here, so today could be quite productive, there'll be no "soooo how we doin'" every five minutes, the down side is that I'll have to remind myself to go for a smoke....
10:00: Still no one about, some consultants and a woman from Overton called Pervy or something (I really tried hard not to laugh out loud, but I was crying inside), have arrived to do something really clever, the Insultant, is one of those special one's that company's send along to install their meaningless drivel of a software package that costs a fortune, but is just a few batch scripts bolted together. Further, he's their top Insultant which, for the uninitiated, means he actually thinks what he's doing is really clever...I have the dubious honour of having to log them in and take them to the datacentre where he talks incessantly about the things he's seen and done at other company's and how 32mb memory sticks are like just amaaazin...and he's even got a cake box of 25 Napster blank CD's like they're any different to any other blank CD ...aaaargh..then he laughs and well by now I'm screaming in side, luckily the company Annoying bastard Insultant murder weapon (anything heavy and close to hand) has been moved so I can't put him out of my misery, the laugh is a bit like a castrated pig, not that I know what a castrated pig sounds like, but if one was being castrated I'd imagine that's what it would sound like...
Any how, we're back at the relevant desks now...he's literally 3 feet away and I could just throw this Lacie drive (bout 3kg in weight) and it'd be all over...but I resist...
10:30: Found it !! The website...scripts are ammended God I'm good...I can crib anyone's bits of code, bolt them together and make them work...Bill Gates eat your heart out!!!!
11:00: Checking my mail...20 items and one ahaaa! from Ski, Customer, Couldn't, Care less department..thanking me for my email (yeah like they read it!), and asking me for my name and address, account number, viewing card number, serial number of my left toe, bank account number and £1,000,000 in cleared funds in their offshore account... ok I'm exaggerating £500,000,...Christ sake, (red rag, bull spring immediately to mind)...so I very politely reply, stating that I don't have my viewing card number as it was in the Sky + machine (at HOME!!!) or my account number (why would I know what that was) but here was my name and address and perhaps, for once, they'd meet me half way and give their own database a lookup...you know the one that sends me the bills, has my bank account details, and sends me my Sky+ packing material (magazine).
12:30: Lunch..phew made it thus far. I've avoided Women talking about their relationship difficulties and managed to almost have conversation with quiet Rob...Bacon sarny now..at the mother in law's (she who did the catering at the feeding of the 5,000).
13:32: Made it back to work, stomach somewhat fuller than before. I've escaped the kids too, as they all seem a little bit miserable so tonight could be fun!!
1350: Invisible Dave has just run - from Portsmouth...he left a CD envelope on the desk here with a really vital license key...so I realy the number to him (well not quite the number)..I relay a CD key just not necessarily that CD key..I'll wait for him to phone back !!
14:30: Why do people insist on asking me things I can't answer ? "What's the admin password for this box" ...."errr I don't know..." I'm drifting now..back a couple of days...so there's Alex Brent and Julie Locatop working together, I mean close proximity..working on spam filtering etc etc...the subject of explicit text came up and Alex says and I quote .."what I want is explicit sex..", you've never seen anyone go so pink...me I was falling on the floor in hysterics really quite funny, really the highlight of the week...ahhhhah...
I'm on a roll now..the daily "What's for dinner.." competition has begun, one player, me.. I reckon it could be Shepards Pie...I may be wrong. I'll let you know, for some reason I'm getting an incling that it could be...
15:00: Nothin' much doing, scripts are working fine yahay (spoke too soon I think), and I'm manically trying to do some documentation (or Mickey Mouse guide to doing things)...
15:30: Aaaaghh my mobile is ringing (well zzzing anyway), I can't talk to an agency now I'm far too busy with this pointless, meaningless (I'm not bitter) drivel...phew it's not an agency, it's Tom the grand wizzard. He's explainng to me about some confusion he generated with some other documentation...I come off the phone no wiser than before, but I'll phone Julie Locatop anyhow to try and explain things..."right, er well if you think it's best" I say, she's arbitarily decided to cut the whole paragraph out, here's hoping !!! ;-)
16:00: And another snapshot works just like it should...this is getting close to being perfect..(I really shouldn't say things like that). I've just sent a Doug uahole an email the Ages2Store Insultant who caused our corruption problems earlier in the week, but I know our content checker will out words like Tosser so I choose my words more carefully...
###########################################################
...Dear Mr T. Osser,
Thank U seooooow much (check repetitive use of the letter 'o') for completely screwing to the floor with brass headed multi tap screws, our file server.
Given the sublime nature of the "upgrade" I'll be fully expecting your bush berry's in the post by way of apology....
Yours
The poor s. ucker who had to deal with your c rap sheet.
##########################################################
16:30: Sent my email to Helpdesk, got a instant reply...must try to spell helpdesk correctly...wastersdesk just doesn't work...tried again, then a delay but I think it got through, so now I have evidence.
16:45: Patrick Scuritywotscurity, has just rung, wanting to know about certain change control requests I put through...he's under the impression that the change required to completely knacker the BIGIP load balancer (the one 4,000 users go through) will need doing at a weekend or really late at night, oh how foolish young men can be..I've put him straight it happens on Thursday at 5pm or not at all I'm afraid...serves us right for only having one box.
17:00: 30 mins 'till home time (though I could slope off now, no one would notice)...back to the documentation..grrr....
The week has been pretty uneventful, apart from me trying to fit skirting board that's so warped it's almost cylindrical !!! Even the liberal use of the world famous "no more plaster" hasn't managed to stick it properly and the least said about the mitre joints the better.
We had a blokey bloke, come and "fit" our hall floor (how do you "fit" a floor incidentally, but no matter), which looks nice, if not a lot similar to what it looked like before, but still it was only £500 !!! (If I don't get sent some Allied shares soon there'll be trouble).
The car service is due on Friday so that'll be another £250+ and it's my eldest spawn of satan's 12th birthday (T minus 1 year and counting) next week and the father in laws and my sisters so February is looking REALLY REALLY crap so far....still I have the downstairs loo to change to make up for it...I know that's really going to cheer me up. (Note to self, make sure we have some clothes pegs)
Tuesday 15th:
08:40: Got to work, head is banging again..hopefully the Nurofen will kick in soon...
09:00: Invisible Dave is here !!! (hold the back page) apparently he's got a meeting with The Grand Wizzard, who's erm...working from home (funny that in half term week). Dave's out of the Portsmouth office so lucky he came to Basingstoke to have his conference call with erm...Portsmouth...Needless to say he's not happy, and is going to be making his way back to erm Portsmouth, real soon.
09:15: Quiet Rob, came up, I know he said something but I'm not sure what (lip reading was never a strength of mine)...I'm trying to find this web site that tells you how to do clever things with scripts but I can't for the life of me find it....aaaagghh...
09:30: No one is in, it's like it's a bank holiday and I've forgotten not to get up (not easy for me to do I can assure you). Alex Brent, hasn't been in since Friday (i.e. he was off Monday and no one knows why), Mark Silver Fox Bailout, is on a course, "how not to blame things you know nothing about" I hope (I put that in coz I know he reads this), Quiet Rob and Invisible Dave I've already mentioned..the one bright spark on the horizon is that the grand wizzard isn't here, so today could be quite productive, there'll be no "soooo how we doin'" every five minutes, the down side is that I'll have to remind myself to go for a smoke....
10:00: Still no one about, some consultants and a woman from Overton called Pervy or something (I really tried hard not to laugh out loud, but I was crying inside), have arrived to do something really clever, the Insultant, is one of those special one's that company's send along to install their meaningless drivel of a software package that costs a fortune, but is just a few batch scripts bolted together. Further, he's their top Insultant which, for the uninitiated, means he actually thinks what he's doing is really clever...I have the dubious honour of having to log them in and take them to the datacentre where he talks incessantly about the things he's seen and done at other company's and how 32mb memory sticks are like just amaaazin...and he's even got a cake box of 25 Napster blank CD's like they're any different to any other blank CD ...aaaargh..then he laughs and well by now I'm screaming in side, luckily the company Annoying bastard Insultant murder weapon (anything heavy and close to hand) has been moved so I can't put him out of my misery, the laugh is a bit like a castrated pig, not that I know what a castrated pig sounds like, but if one was being castrated I'd imagine that's what it would sound like...
Any how, we're back at the relevant desks now...he's literally 3 feet away and I could just throw this Lacie drive (bout 3kg in weight) and it'd be all over...but I resist...
10:30: Found it !! The website...scripts are ammended God I'm good...I can crib anyone's bits of code, bolt them together and make them work...Bill Gates eat your heart out!!!!
11:00: Checking my mail...20 items and one ahaaa! from Ski, Customer, Couldn't, Care less department..thanking me for my email (yeah like they read it!), and asking me for my name and address, account number, viewing card number, serial number of my left toe, bank account number and £1,000,000 in cleared funds in their offshore account... ok I'm exaggerating £500,000,...Christ sake, (red rag, bull spring immediately to mind)...so I very politely reply, stating that I don't have my viewing card number as it was in the Sky + machine (at HOME!!!) or my account number (why would I know what that was) but here was my name and address and perhaps, for once, they'd meet me half way and give their own database a lookup...you know the one that sends me the bills, has my bank account details, and sends me my Sky+ packing material (magazine).
12:30: Lunch..phew made it thus far. I've avoided Women talking about their relationship difficulties and managed to almost have conversation with quiet Rob...Bacon sarny now..at the mother in law's (she who did the catering at the feeding of the 5,000).
13:32: Made it back to work, stomach somewhat fuller than before. I've escaped the kids too, as they all seem a little bit miserable so tonight could be fun!!
1350: Invisible Dave has just run - from Portsmouth...he left a CD envelope on the desk here with a really vital license key...so I realy the number to him (well not quite the number)..I relay a CD key just not necessarily that CD key..I'll wait for him to phone back !!
14:30: Why do people insist on asking me things I can't answer ? "What's the admin password for this box" ...."errr I don't know..." I'm drifting now..back a couple of days...so there's Alex Brent and Julie Locatop working together, I mean close proximity..working on spam filtering etc etc...the subject of explicit text came up and Alex says and I quote .."what I want is explicit sex..", you've never seen anyone go so pink...me I was falling on the floor in hysterics really quite funny, really the highlight of the week...ahhhhah...
I'm on a roll now..the daily "What's for dinner.." competition has begun, one player, me.. I reckon it could be Shepards Pie...I may be wrong. I'll let you know, for some reason I'm getting an incling that it could be...
15:00: Nothin' much doing, scripts are working fine yahay (spoke too soon I think), and I'm manically trying to do some documentation (or Mickey Mouse guide to doing things)...
15:30: Aaaaghh my mobile is ringing (well zzzing anyway), I can't talk to an agency now I'm far too busy with this pointless, meaningless (I'm not bitter) drivel...phew it's not an agency, it's Tom the grand wizzard. He's explainng to me about some confusion he generated with some other documentation...I come off the phone no wiser than before, but I'll phone Julie Locatop anyhow to try and explain things..."right, er well if you think it's best" I say, she's arbitarily decided to cut the whole paragraph out, here's hoping !!! ;-)
16:00: And another snapshot works just like it should...this is getting close to being perfect..(I really shouldn't say things like that). I've just sent a Doug uahole an email the Ages2Store Insultant who caused our corruption problems earlier in the week, but I know our content checker will out words like Tosser so I choose my words more carefully...
###########################################################
...Dear Mr T. Osser,
Thank U seooooow much (check repetitive use of the letter 'o') for completely screwing to the floor with brass headed multi tap screws, our file server.
Given the sublime nature of the "upgrade" I'll be fully expecting your bush berry's in the post by way of apology....
Yours
The poor s. ucker who had to deal with your c rap sheet.
##########################################################
16:30: Sent my email to Helpdesk, got a instant reply...must try to spell helpdesk correctly...wastersdesk just doesn't work...tried again, then a delay but I think it got through, so now I have evidence.
16:45: Patrick Scuritywotscurity, has just rung, wanting to know about certain change control requests I put through...he's under the impression that the change required to completely knacker the BIGIP load balancer (the one 4,000 users go through) will need doing at a weekend or really late at night, oh how foolish young men can be..I've put him straight it happens on Thursday at 5pm or not at all I'm afraid...serves us right for only having one box.
17:00: 30 mins 'till home time (though I could slope off now, no one would notice)...back to the documentation..grrr....
# posted by cre8 @ 1:06 AM 
