Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Adventure 21: 27th April 2005
"I mean how do you lose an entire PE kit ?..." Hi folks, it's, yes, another Tuesday. I can't help myself really, I mean what else am I supposed to do when your boss, his boss and his boss are all out on a two day "jolly" business trip to Paris and Amsterdam ? With MFI I hasten to add...of course MFI don't have any offices in Reading now do they ? Reading isn't like a 15 minute drive away now is it ?!....and I get £7 a month...
The week so far has been fairly eventful, Monday saw the introduction of a new member of the Don't be Daft team, namely the MyTob virus.
Monday 25th April 2005: 07:something:, It's Monday, grrrreat, my day starts with a bang since, the lift Ryan normally gets to school is going to be done by me today. The Mum of his friend who normally takes them all (poor cow), is apparently on a course for today, so this means that I have to try and become conscious enough to drive them to school for 08:20. This isn't so much of a problem since I have to be at work at 08:30 and it's on the way, but it does mean that I shall be turning up at work early for once, something that is bound to cause shock and confusion amongst many of my peers.
08:31: The Brentboy is in and he's not well, coughing spluttering sneezing and generally spreading his germs as far as the eye can see, which since he just sneezed in my face, isn't particularly far at present. Our latest addition to our team, Corvette Driver, is also in and also infected, I'm drawing no conclusions from this fact or the fact that Judy Knockerty is also sniffing and beginning to sneeze. Looks like Brenty's been a busy boy, if you catch my drift and not his cold...
08:40: "ssssh Bit of a panic on, we seem to have a virus outbreak", Brentboy explains, still at least the top technical team are on to it. A team that consists of The Grand Wizard himself, Pascal Scurity, Security Manager, Mark Pasty, and curiously enough Mark Bailout. The Grand Wizard has busied himself by trying to track down "the source" of the outbreak, me thinks shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.... Still at least they're keeping us the real techno wizzes, in the loop....NAAAT! I look at the firewall log which has now stopped since there's soooo much traffic, generated by the virus. I did offer to print out the section of the log which would identify those PC's that were infected, but clearly after 15 years in the industry I really don't know what I'm talking about and I'm summarily ignored.
It's like a little club, the AV protection league, and if you're in you're in and if not you're not...I did think about asking Bailout if he'd checked the backups but I can see he's far to busy, being the only technically capable person in the new "Virtual team". The day comes and goes, and by
17:15 my new finish time (well what do you expect for £7.00 a month ?) , is upon us, I leave the wizard, staring intently at his screen and sighing every now and then...ah the pressures of being the top guy...
Tuesday 26th April 2005 08:30: Back to normal today, haven't got to take the kids in so I got my 10 minute "re-sleep" Brentboy is curiously off sick with his cold and it's just me and Corvette and the grand Wizard who hasn't actually made it in yet. I'm expecting the usual unprovoked, "I was here until xx o'clock" (what does the ' mean in that, note to self, look that up) xx being at least an hour later than he actually stayed. I sent the grand wizard a plan for actions that he needed to consider and approve, but since he's still busy with the Virus, I've not had and I'm not hopeful I'll get a response any time soon.
10:30: I recieve a reply from GFY about an issue with their antivirus software Download Youmustbejoking version 6.01, which really annoys me. Add each site that has Java and InActive X content to the exclusion list, mmmm, of course of the billions and billions of web pages out there I know a. which of them have Java and InActive X content and b. which of our users are going to want to use them, a point I make with some vigour to their support desk.
11:30: It's very very quiet, I think the grand wizard has nodded off at his keyboard or worse, he's snuffed it...I say worse....
12:30: Lunch, Mandy is all enthused and chatty, she's decided to start redecorating Ryans room...da da dada!!! His room is a bit of a mess, primarily because he's picked off half the border and he has a tendancy to "practice" his golf swing in his bedroom, much wall filling to follow.
13:30: Back to 'The Tomb', Quiet Rob is no where to be seen, Invisible Wednesday Dave likewise (he's only visible on Wednesday's so I thought I'd name him appropriately). 14:00: We're advised via internal spam, that Diana RamRod, (a large and scary ex East German shot putter) will be visiting our desks, giving them all Red stickers !!! Worse still filing cabinets will be given Blue stickers!!! How the cold winter nights must just fly by in her house. I haven't decided whether I'm going to try and swap them about yet, but I probably will !!! It beats bloody documentation.
Wednesday 27th April 2005: 09:00:Ahh Wednesday, this can mean only one thing, INIVISIBLE DAVE!!! He only comes up for our Weekly meetings, yeah the weekly meetings we haven't had for two months, still he seems happy enough. I've got lots of bits and pieces to do but not anything worth thinking about.
11:00: The grand wizard makes an appearance. He's being really chatty at the moment (not). He does at one point get up and go around the team (Brentboy excluded since he's still off "sick", bloody malingerer!!) asking "Soooo, hows it goin'...". All apart from me now I know that just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
13:30: Back from lunch, and it's like a bloody party going on, InvisDave, Quiet Rob, and Corvette are all chatting vicifourously and then looking over their shoulders, yup it's a Team Moaning.
14:00: I get an attack of conscience, I decide to do some work. After the debacle of the Project initialisation document, where I had t write a document, documenting that I was going to write a document, documenting the things we could (but won't) do for the Overdone office storage situation, I decide that perhaps without being prompted or the project being approved and mainly because I've got sod all else to do, I decide to do the document that documents the options we've come up with.
15:00: I'm deep in to this now, quiet Rob, keeps trying to distract me, but I'm unswung, "Option 1:Put in new file server with more space..." yup that should do the trick. I did tell them all about WAFS (wide area file servers) but I'm not confident that we'll be implementing, given the grand wizards, "we're not doing WAFS" comment in my right ear'ole just after I suggested it. I've no doubt that it's "THE" solution, but since he doesn't understand it and since we can't buy it from Insult International, I guess we won't be buying it.
16:30: Nearly finished, I've got 4 options an introduction, a conclusion, I just need to format the document and it's done.17:00: What's this, the grand wizard is putting his coat on, I ask InvisiDave what the score is, "apparently he's off to Amsterdam", now I thought he'd been and come back but no apparently not. It has to be some kind of a record, he's managed 3 whole days without saying a word to me...still I'm not complaining....
Thursday 28th April 2005: 08:30: T minus 2 days and counting, can't say I'm looking forward to my B'day, but I can't say I'm not, on the one hand I'm a year older (36 gulp, one world cup away from 40) and on the other I get PRESENTS!!!!
09:30: Still no Brentboy, I'm thinking of sending out a posse to find his body.
10:00: Do a bit of helping with quiet Rob, on the messaging anti-spam issue. Judy Knockerty, has found a new victim, sorry person to project manage, Bob is her new favourite, Brenty's not going to be happy when (sorry if he comes back). I've been "invited" to a meeting with Martin Snooze, and Microshaft, who are apparently going to try and convince us to run our core 24x7 applications on their operating systems. The fact the vendor supports and recommends running it on UniTrix, speaks volumes and I point this out in the meeting. "Sorry but I'm not sure what you mean", pipes up some overpaid, overweight, second hand Microshaft car salesman, "well the fact they don't mention a unitrix vendor, i.e. Moon, PH etc, it's more a case of "don't use Microshaft" in my book", he seems suitably put in his place, since he thinks I'm joking (always a goood sign). The meeting drags on for an hour and a bit while they try and convince Martin, that really it's not his nuts that are on the line if he gets it wrong, he's not looking too convinced. I mention the fact that these applications are Orable backended, and that I've had all sorts of issues with Orable on a Winblows back operating system...."ah", he pipes up again, "have you considered running this app on a WeeBle database ?", "yes we have and no we're not" is the almost unanimous response. The meeting then finishes, typically with them promising to send both Martin and Myself reams of information about how good they are, I was only there because a. the grand wizard couldn't be arsed to attend and b. he was in Amsterdam, being jollied by MFI.
12:00: Spending the day checking things, has it's benefits, I've checked all sorts of things in my quest to try and not do anything today.
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again, looking at not doing very much again...
The day basically peters out from here, looks like I suceeded in my quest.
Friday 29th April 2005:
One more day to go, Mandy is more excited than I am and keeps saying things like "it's your birthday tomorrow" in really excited tones, I do my best and I am looking forward to it, but I can't get that excited about it.
08:30: In work, shock horror, hold the back page, Brentboy is back!!! Clearly he's read in here how, Judy Knockerty is falling out all over Quiet Rob, (he wishes) and is here to put a stop to it.
09:00: Fact is Brentboy is only here because it's halfway between his home and the pickup point for his son, who he's got this weekend. I'm not hopeful that much work is going to get done.
10:00: GFY, Nonsense and ITSY seem to be behaving themselves...I get an email from NoSpine, and decide to read it. It's all a bit technical and is about SVDL (shared virtual drive library), now not even I'm understanding it much so I ring Copper Nitrate Centre and ask Rich, the flash in the, pain, he'll know, he sold it to us.... ok so he didn't know, but he did say he'd find out, "gimme 2 minutes and I'll ring you back..." well 2 minutes is actually a Rich 2 minutes which translates to "if yer lucky", apparently today I'm not ;-).
14:00 Katy Shark, comes round and stops ! Brentboy and me going for a smoke sacre bleu! She does one of those "I'm going to give you both a big hug" type motions which to be honest is a little scary.
14:15: Turns out that there's another problem with the poxy. A website she's recently updated, isn't being updated, so the change she made, hasn't been made and consequently she's a bit hopping mad. "What's the URL", I ask ?, "What do you mean", she asks, ok we've got ourselves a level, "what address are you trying to get to", "I'm not trying to get to an address, I'm trying to load up this page", "which page" I try again, "go to http://www.somethingcompletelypointlessthatgivesyousomemeaninginyourlife.com ". I load up the page, sure enough it all works fine.
14:30: We've toddled off around to her PC so she can show me the terrible things My terrible proxies are doing to her website. It's all a bit odd, the change she thought she'd made hasn't been "applied".
14:45: I make my excuses and go for a smoke.
15:00: Dunc, Britney, Stradders is in the frame now, prodding and poking things and generally being a nusiance. "The only thing we haven't done is restart the www service, because there are several live and very important websites attached to the that server....ok so you've restarted the web service...". This is the man who's so in to change control it's untrue, any changes in status or content or anything else for a live system has to go through change control...well apparently not on this occaision.....
Saturday 30th April !!!!! MY BIRTHDAY !!!!
09:00: Now normally my birthday means one very nice thing, namely that I get to have a lie in, which I sort of do, but Ryan has stage school and I have a hair appointment, at "The Dogz Bollox", so I clamber down stairs semi conscious to find a hug wrapped up box in front of me, and the kids and Mandy all looking particularly pleased with themselves.
I open it up and no not the pipe and slippers I was hoping for, but a nice wharfdale 5.1 surround sound home cinema system BAAARRRRGGGAAAIIN!!!
There are loads of cards most of them have money in them and there's even one from my Dad, who's memory for things like birthdays isn't the best lets be honest. Good job I emailed him two weeks ago and told him when it was, that's all I can say.
10:15: Just dropped Ryan off at stage school and I made my way to the hairdressers. Apparently Mandy has arranged another treat for me, namely having my hair done by the "Junior Stylist", who's a quite pretty 17 year old...just think a 17 year old running her fingers through your hair...heaven, I'm in heaven.... About 45 minutes later and she's nearly done. There does seem to be slightly more hair on the floor than usual, but since I can't see anything without my glasses and since she's still running her fingers through my hair I can't really complain now can I ?
11:00: All paid up and back at home. Dave, Spitfire Nomad and Olly Feedingofthefivethousandwasmyidea, or the mother and father in law as they're better known, are on their way.
11:30: They're here with curiously large package for me. I don't quite understand but I open it regardless and to my delight and surprise, it's the DVD recorder, I've been banging on about for what seems like ages. Apparently Mandy had pre-bought it so the money I've been getting in cards all day and I've been worry whether I'd have enough to purchase the recorder is actually going to pay her back if you understand that.
12:30: This is a fact that Ryan really doesn't understand and seems to think isn't fair, I don't particularly care, since I've got the kit I wanted and even better I haven't had to go shopping to get it !!!
14:00: Dave and Olly have gone now, and I've got a couple of hours until my Mum and Stepdad, Jim turn up. Sooooo what to do.
14:30: Ok the skybox, the old DVD player, the video sender, and the old video recorder are strewn across my living room floor and I'm desperately trying to work out how all those cables and more importantly their plugs managed to get through the tiny hole I made in the back of the cabinet.
16:00: Mum and Jim are now here, and I've only got the home cinema system sorted. Still gives me something to do tomorrow I guess.
17:00: We sit down for dinner, which is difficult to describe, since to accomodate all our tastes Mandy has done several. The piece de resitance, is to be honest her home made lasagne, made from impregnable pasta sheets, I opt for the spaghetti !!
19:30: We're off out with Lynne and Colin bowling, Mum and Jim are baby sitting the kids. The least said about the bowling the better, suffice to say that I spent both games wondering around trying to find a ball that I could bowl in a straight line, and failing miserably.
21:30: We're back home, much to the surprise of my Mum, but then since we're not exactly clubbers (well not at my age), and everything costs a fortune, that's not a major surprise.
Lynne and Colin are coming in for coffee and a chat, and we talk the night away until 1am.
Monday (Bank Holiday) 2nd May 2005:
Took the kids to see Hitch hikers guide the galaxy today, which they seemed to enjoy. Mandy "wanted" to do some painting so I took them both.
Tuesday 3rd May 2005:
Back at work and I can't wait until I get home. Liverpool V Chelsea in the 2nd leg of the champions league semi final. The score so far is 0-0 so a win will do us. Unfortunately a score draw will put chelsea through.
Wednesday 4th March 2005:
I discover today that we won the lottery on Saturday (well 4 numbers is better than none, and when I say we, I actually mean Mandy!!) She's decided to go all out and go on a mad spending spree, to buy a quilt cover she's liked for ages, whoopee do!
Thursday 5th March 2005:
Two things to report today, General election and my PDR. The PDR lasted 3 hours coz the wizard couldn't shut up, but was filled with all the usual drivel about performance, projects and stuff.
The general election was interesting, Labour won their 3rd term with a 66 seat majority, Michael Howard basically said he was going to step down as he was too old now but the tories made massive gains across the board which as a true blue was fairly interesting. I stayed up watching this until 3am, so I am now a little knackered.
Friday 6th March 2005:
The wizard, his boss and his bosses boss are all off on another jolly (The wizard I think is at a funeral so not that jolly!) so it's all fairly relaxed. I managed to apply for several jobs and I wait to here what will happen. Got an email from my oppo at my last job saying he'd got himself a job, one I'd sent him (coz I'm nice like that) so all in all since my birthday things have been pretty good. I'll expect the water tank to burst this weekend just to make up for it all....
The week so far has been fairly eventful, Monday saw the introduction of a new member of the Don't be Daft team, namely the MyTob virus.
Monday 25th April 2005: 07:something:, It's Monday, grrrreat, my day starts with a bang since, the lift Ryan normally gets to school is going to be done by me today. The Mum of his friend who normally takes them all (poor cow), is apparently on a course for today, so this means that I have to try and become conscious enough to drive them to school for 08:20. This isn't so much of a problem since I have to be at work at 08:30 and it's on the way, but it does mean that I shall be turning up at work early for once, something that is bound to cause shock and confusion amongst many of my peers.
08:31: The Brentboy is in and he's not well, coughing spluttering sneezing and generally spreading his germs as far as the eye can see, which since he just sneezed in my face, isn't particularly far at present. Our latest addition to our team, Corvette Driver, is also in and also infected, I'm drawing no conclusions from this fact or the fact that Judy Knockerty is also sniffing and beginning to sneeze. Looks like Brenty's been a busy boy, if you catch my drift and not his cold...
08:40: "ssssh Bit of a panic on, we seem to have a virus outbreak", Brentboy explains, still at least the top technical team are on to it. A team that consists of The Grand Wizard himself, Pascal Scurity, Security Manager, Mark Pasty, and curiously enough Mark Bailout. The Grand Wizard has busied himself by trying to track down "the source" of the outbreak, me thinks shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.... Still at least they're keeping us the real techno wizzes, in the loop....NAAAT! I look at the firewall log which has now stopped since there's soooo much traffic, generated by the virus. I did offer to print out the section of the log which would identify those PC's that were infected, but clearly after 15 years in the industry I really don't know what I'm talking about and I'm summarily ignored.
It's like a little club, the AV protection league, and if you're in you're in and if not you're not...I did think about asking Bailout if he'd checked the backups but I can see he's far to busy, being the only technically capable person in the new "Virtual team". The day comes and goes, and by
17:15 my new finish time (well what do you expect for £7.00 a month ?) , is upon us, I leave the wizard, staring intently at his screen and sighing every now and then...ah the pressures of being the top guy...
Tuesday 26th April 2005 08:30: Back to normal today, haven't got to take the kids in so I got my 10 minute "re-sleep" Brentboy is curiously off sick with his cold and it's just me and Corvette and the grand Wizard who hasn't actually made it in yet. I'm expecting the usual unprovoked, "I was here until xx o'clock" (what does the ' mean in that, note to self, look that up) xx being at least an hour later than he actually stayed. I sent the grand wizard a plan for actions that he needed to consider and approve, but since he's still busy with the Virus, I've not had and I'm not hopeful I'll get a response any time soon.
10:30: I recieve a reply from GFY about an issue with their antivirus software Download Youmustbejoking version 6.01, which really annoys me. Add each site that has Java and InActive X content to the exclusion list, mmmm, of course of the billions and billions of web pages out there I know a. which of them have Java and InActive X content and b. which of our users are going to want to use them, a point I make with some vigour to their support desk.
11:30: It's very very quiet, I think the grand wizard has nodded off at his keyboard or worse, he's snuffed it...I say worse....
12:30: Lunch, Mandy is all enthused and chatty, she's decided to start redecorating Ryans room...da da dada!!! His room is a bit of a mess, primarily because he's picked off half the border and he has a tendancy to "practice" his golf swing in his bedroom, much wall filling to follow.
13:30: Back to 'The Tomb', Quiet Rob is no where to be seen, Invisible Wednesday Dave likewise (he's only visible on Wednesday's so I thought I'd name him appropriately). 14:00: We're advised via internal spam, that Diana RamRod, (a large and scary ex East German shot putter) will be visiting our desks, giving them all Red stickers !!! Worse still filing cabinets will be given Blue stickers!!! How the cold winter nights must just fly by in her house. I haven't decided whether I'm going to try and swap them about yet, but I probably will !!! It beats bloody documentation.
Wednesday 27th April 2005: 09:00:Ahh Wednesday, this can mean only one thing, INIVISIBLE DAVE!!! He only comes up for our Weekly meetings, yeah the weekly meetings we haven't had for two months, still he seems happy enough. I've got lots of bits and pieces to do but not anything worth thinking about.
11:00: The grand wizard makes an appearance. He's being really chatty at the moment (not). He does at one point get up and go around the team (Brentboy excluded since he's still off "sick", bloody malingerer!!) asking "Soooo, hows it goin'...". All apart from me now I know that just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
13:30: Back from lunch, and it's like a bloody party going on, InvisDave, Quiet Rob, and Corvette are all chatting vicifourously and then looking over their shoulders, yup it's a Team Moaning.
14:00: I get an attack of conscience, I decide to do some work. After the debacle of the Project initialisation document, where I had t write a document, documenting that I was going to write a document, documenting the things we could (but won't) do for the Overdone office storage situation, I decide that perhaps without being prompted or the project being approved and mainly because I've got sod all else to do, I decide to do the document that documents the options we've come up with.
15:00: I'm deep in to this now, quiet Rob, keeps trying to distract me, but I'm unswung, "Option 1:Put in new file server with more space..." yup that should do the trick. I did tell them all about WAFS (wide area file servers) but I'm not confident that we'll be implementing, given the grand wizards, "we're not doing WAFS" comment in my right ear'ole just after I suggested it. I've no doubt that it's "THE" solution, but since he doesn't understand it and since we can't buy it from Insult International, I guess we won't be buying it.
16:30: Nearly finished, I've got 4 options an introduction, a conclusion, I just need to format the document and it's done.17:00: What's this, the grand wizard is putting his coat on, I ask InvisiDave what the score is, "apparently he's off to Amsterdam", now I thought he'd been and come back but no apparently not. It has to be some kind of a record, he's managed 3 whole days without saying a word to me...still I'm not complaining....
Thursday 28th April 2005: 08:30: T minus 2 days and counting, can't say I'm looking forward to my B'day, but I can't say I'm not, on the one hand I'm a year older (36 gulp, one world cup away from 40) and on the other I get PRESENTS!!!!
09:30: Still no Brentboy, I'm thinking of sending out a posse to find his body.
10:00: Do a bit of helping with quiet Rob, on the messaging anti-spam issue. Judy Knockerty, has found a new victim, sorry person to project manage, Bob is her new favourite, Brenty's not going to be happy when (sorry if he comes back). I've been "invited" to a meeting with Martin Snooze, and Microshaft, who are apparently going to try and convince us to run our core 24x7 applications on their operating systems. The fact the vendor supports and recommends running it on UniTrix, speaks volumes and I point this out in the meeting. "Sorry but I'm not sure what you mean", pipes up some overpaid, overweight, second hand Microshaft car salesman, "well the fact they don't mention a unitrix vendor, i.e. Moon, PH etc, it's more a case of "don't use Microshaft" in my book", he seems suitably put in his place, since he thinks I'm joking (always a goood sign). The meeting drags on for an hour and a bit while they try and convince Martin, that really it's not his nuts that are on the line if he gets it wrong, he's not looking too convinced. I mention the fact that these applications are Orable backended, and that I've had all sorts of issues with Orable on a Winblows back operating system...."ah", he pipes up again, "have you considered running this app on a WeeBle database ?", "yes we have and no we're not" is the almost unanimous response. The meeting then finishes, typically with them promising to send both Martin and Myself reams of information about how good they are, I was only there because a. the grand wizard couldn't be arsed to attend and b. he was in Amsterdam, being jollied by MFI.
12:00: Spending the day checking things, has it's benefits, I've checked all sorts of things in my quest to try and not do anything today.
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again, looking at not doing very much again...
The day basically peters out from here, looks like I suceeded in my quest.
Friday 29th April 2005:
One more day to go, Mandy is more excited than I am and keeps saying things like "it's your birthday tomorrow" in really excited tones, I do my best and I am looking forward to it, but I can't get that excited about it.
08:30: In work, shock horror, hold the back page, Brentboy is back!!! Clearly he's read in here how, Judy Knockerty is falling out all over Quiet Rob, (he wishes) and is here to put a stop to it.
09:00: Fact is Brentboy is only here because it's halfway between his home and the pickup point for his son, who he's got this weekend. I'm not hopeful that much work is going to get done.
10:00: GFY, Nonsense and ITSY seem to be behaving themselves...I get an email from NoSpine, and decide to read it. It's all a bit technical and is about SVDL (shared virtual drive library), now not even I'm understanding it much so I ring Copper Nitrate Centre and ask Rich, the flash in the, pain, he'll know, he sold it to us.... ok so he didn't know, but he did say he'd find out, "gimme 2 minutes and I'll ring you back..." well 2 minutes is actually a Rich 2 minutes which translates to "if yer lucky", apparently today I'm not ;-).
14:00 Katy Shark, comes round and stops ! Brentboy and me going for a smoke sacre bleu! She does one of those "I'm going to give you both a big hug" type motions which to be honest is a little scary.
14:15: Turns out that there's another problem with the poxy. A website she's recently updated, isn't being updated, so the change she made, hasn't been made and consequently she's a bit hopping mad. "What's the URL", I ask ?, "What do you mean", she asks, ok we've got ourselves a level, "what address are you trying to get to", "I'm not trying to get to an address, I'm trying to load up this page", "which page" I try again, "go to http://www.somethingcompletelypointlessthatgivesyousomemeaninginyourlife.com ". I load up the page, sure enough it all works fine.
14:30: We've toddled off around to her PC so she can show me the terrible things My terrible proxies are doing to her website. It's all a bit odd, the change she thought she'd made hasn't been "applied".
14:45: I make my excuses and go for a smoke.
15:00: Dunc, Britney, Stradders is in the frame now, prodding and poking things and generally being a nusiance. "The only thing we haven't done is restart the www service, because there are several live and very important websites attached to the that server....ok so you've restarted the web service...". This is the man who's so in to change control it's untrue, any changes in status or content or anything else for a live system has to go through change control...well apparently not on this occaision.....
Saturday 30th April !!!!! MY BIRTHDAY !!!!
09:00: Now normally my birthday means one very nice thing, namely that I get to have a lie in, which I sort of do, but Ryan has stage school and I have a hair appointment, at "The Dogz Bollox", so I clamber down stairs semi conscious to find a hug wrapped up box in front of me, and the kids and Mandy all looking particularly pleased with themselves.
I open it up and no not the pipe and slippers I was hoping for, but a nice wharfdale 5.1 surround sound home cinema system BAAARRRRGGGAAAIIN!!!
There are loads of cards most of them have money in them and there's even one from my Dad, who's memory for things like birthdays isn't the best lets be honest. Good job I emailed him two weeks ago and told him when it was, that's all I can say.
10:15: Just dropped Ryan off at stage school and I made my way to the hairdressers. Apparently Mandy has arranged another treat for me, namely having my hair done by the "Junior Stylist", who's a quite pretty 17 year old...just think a 17 year old running her fingers through your hair...heaven, I'm in heaven.... About 45 minutes later and she's nearly done. There does seem to be slightly more hair on the floor than usual, but since I can't see anything without my glasses and since she's still running her fingers through my hair I can't really complain now can I ?
11:00: All paid up and back at home. Dave, Spitfire Nomad and Olly Feedingofthefivethousandwasmyidea, or the mother and father in law as they're better known, are on their way.
11:30: They're here with curiously large package for me. I don't quite understand but I open it regardless and to my delight and surprise, it's the DVD recorder, I've been banging on about for what seems like ages. Apparently Mandy had pre-bought it so the money I've been getting in cards all day and I've been worry whether I'd have enough to purchase the recorder is actually going to pay her back if you understand that.
12:30: This is a fact that Ryan really doesn't understand and seems to think isn't fair, I don't particularly care, since I've got the kit I wanted and even better I haven't had to go shopping to get it !!!
14:00: Dave and Olly have gone now, and I've got a couple of hours until my Mum and Stepdad, Jim turn up. Sooooo what to do.
14:30: Ok the skybox, the old DVD player, the video sender, and the old video recorder are strewn across my living room floor and I'm desperately trying to work out how all those cables and more importantly their plugs managed to get through the tiny hole I made in the back of the cabinet.
16:00: Mum and Jim are now here, and I've only got the home cinema system sorted. Still gives me something to do tomorrow I guess.
17:00: We sit down for dinner, which is difficult to describe, since to accomodate all our tastes Mandy has done several. The piece de resitance, is to be honest her home made lasagne, made from impregnable pasta sheets, I opt for the spaghetti !!
19:30: We're off out with Lynne and Colin bowling, Mum and Jim are baby sitting the kids. The least said about the bowling the better, suffice to say that I spent both games wondering around trying to find a ball that I could bowl in a straight line, and failing miserably.
21:30: We're back home, much to the surprise of my Mum, but then since we're not exactly clubbers (well not at my age), and everything costs a fortune, that's not a major surprise.
Lynne and Colin are coming in for coffee and a chat, and we talk the night away until 1am.
Monday (Bank Holiday) 2nd May 2005:
Took the kids to see Hitch hikers guide the galaxy today, which they seemed to enjoy. Mandy "wanted" to do some painting so I took them both.
Tuesday 3rd May 2005:
Back at work and I can't wait until I get home. Liverpool V Chelsea in the 2nd leg of the champions league semi final. The score so far is 0-0 so a win will do us. Unfortunately a score draw will put chelsea through.
Wednesday 4th March 2005:
I discover today that we won the lottery on Saturday (well 4 numbers is better than none, and when I say we, I actually mean Mandy!!) She's decided to go all out and go on a mad spending spree, to buy a quilt cover she's liked for ages, whoopee do!
Thursday 5th March 2005:
Two things to report today, General election and my PDR. The PDR lasted 3 hours coz the wizard couldn't shut up, but was filled with all the usual drivel about performance, projects and stuff.
The general election was interesting, Labour won their 3rd term with a 66 seat majority, Michael Howard basically said he was going to step down as he was too old now but the tories made massive gains across the board which as a true blue was fairly interesting. I stayed up watching this until 3am, so I am now a little knackered.
Friday 6th March 2005:
The wizard, his boss and his bosses boss are all off on another jolly (The wizard I think is at a funeral so not that jolly!) so it's all fairly relaxed. I managed to apply for several jobs and I wait to here what will happen. Got an email from my oppo at my last job saying he'd got himself a job, one I'd sent him (coz I'm nice like that) so all in all since my birthday things have been pretty good. I'll expect the water tank to burst this weekend just to make up for it all....
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Adventure 20: 19th April 2005
"no no I really think we should buy a Rover...", lo all, ok a cheap jibe there but in years to come these last couple of weeks will make for interesting reading (at least for me they will).
It's Tuesday, tuesday is a real nothing day, it's not half way through the week, it's not even the beginning of the week...
Anyhow to summarise the world and local events over the last week or so...
1. Tony Bleaaar - calls a general election
Triffic, can't wait.
2. The Pope dies - you'd have thought something this big would have at least warranted a couple of TV specials !!
3. Charles and Camilla finally tie the knot
4. I'm still employed by Don't Be Daft international.
oh yes and there's only 11 days until my birthday !!!
Saturday 16th April 2005:
Ryan is back at stage school so this can mean only one thing...I'm back at Swimming with Jack.
I've got a headache and I really don't fancy it, but i can't let him down I really can't.
After lunch (well about 3pm actually) we assemble our bits and load up our swim bag.
We turn up at the swimming baths and there's a little bit of a queue but not anything really to write home about.
The girl on reception says hello and I say "1 and 1 please", that's really cool speak for 1 adult and 1 son of satan, but she's young and pretty so I have to do my cool guy act..yeah right !
"ok, well I do have to tell you that the 20m pool closes at 4 and the green slide isn't working and the olympic size swimming pool (with lanes) is closed for a competition", now not having a watch or a method of telling the time I have no idea that it is 3:45pm but it didn't sound particularly good, anyhow like a fool I pay my money and we walk towards the family who've obviously never been before because they're actually attempting to put on the shoe covers, Jack and I walk past in to the changing rooms. We get about 30 minutes swimming, so not a complete waste of time and then the over officious 15 year old who's "in charge" blows his whistle several times and shouts some thing unintelligble. Then siren goes and the words "fnah blor chah snee" come across the tannoy, obviously this means the pool is closing, but you'd never know now would you.
We make our way along with the other 500 let down customers to what Jack and I call "The Fluids", I think it somes up swimming pools generally, since I'm all to painfully aware that, that isn't water I'm swimming in....all of a sudden the mediterranean (I know) looks clean.
We do a bit of that and then Jack decides we're going home as he has some Yu Gi Oh cards to sort out and some repeats of a repeat to watch on childrens telly...
Saturday evening, was made up of watching Dr Who? on the telly and not much else.
Sunday 17th April 2005:
Mandy calls me to have a look at our washing machine. I look at it and go "wow a washing machine", "no it's not spinning" she explains, I'm really not looking forward to this but I decide to take the filter out of the pump, in order to do this I have to lift the washing machine up by about 6 - 8 inches in order to get a washing up bowl under it to drain the water out of it.
This is achieved by the Cre8 patented washing machine lifting system or 4 old paint tins as it's known to everyone else. The idea is that you put two at the front of the machine, tilt it back, slide them under, push the machine forward and slide the other two underneath it, it works really well... I extract the filter and find nothing, so while still on it's tins, I run up a rinse cycle having Mandy first explain to me what a washing cycle is and how to achieve one on a washing machine... That's it then the motors knackered. "Why don't you phone my dad", Mandy suggests, "ok I said"..."Sounds like the motor's knackered to me", is his response...I'm feeling this is going to be expensive...
.......So we order a new washing machine and in disgust (partly due to the stench coming from the drain pipe) wheel the machine outside the front garden for them to come and collect.
Monday 18th April 2005:
Monday started like any other day to be honest, documentation still needed doing and I still didn't fancy doing it, I have a banging headache, in fact I had one all weekend if truth be known.
I make it to work (just) after nearly killing myself tripping past the washing machine that is outside our front door.
Today is a bit more interesting, there's a panic on, the new IT director Chris treincarnated, has been to Overdone, and is not impressed and wants action, yeah right... The Wizard, Silent rob and myself take refuge in, err his office, to discuss options, we come up with an option that I designed (heh if you've got it, you've got it !).
I also take the opportunity to push for replacing their file servers with a WAFS (wide are file server) system, so that we can drag all their kit back to head office...the path to world domination is rejoined !!!
It's Tuesday, tuesday is a real nothing day, it's not half way through the week, it's not even the beginning of the week...
Anyhow to summarise the world and local events over the last week or so...
1. Tony Bleaaar - calls a general election
Triffic, can't wait.
2. The Pope dies - you'd have thought something this big would have at least warranted a couple of TV specials !!
3. Charles and Camilla finally tie the knot
4. I'm still employed by Don't Be Daft international.
oh yes and there's only 11 days until my birthday !!!
Saturday 16th April 2005:
Ryan is back at stage school so this can mean only one thing...I'm back at Swimming with Jack.
I've got a headache and I really don't fancy it, but i can't let him down I really can't.
After lunch (well about 3pm actually) we assemble our bits and load up our swim bag.
We turn up at the swimming baths and there's a little bit of a queue but not anything really to write home about.
The girl on reception says hello and I say "1 and 1 please", that's really cool speak for 1 adult and 1 son of satan, but she's young and pretty so I have to do my cool guy act..yeah right !
"ok, well I do have to tell you that the 20m pool closes at 4 and the green slide isn't working and the olympic size swimming pool (with lanes) is closed for a competition", now not having a watch or a method of telling the time I have no idea that it is 3:45pm but it didn't sound particularly good, anyhow like a fool I pay my money and we walk towards the family who've obviously never been before because they're actually attempting to put on the shoe covers, Jack and I walk past in to the changing rooms. We get about 30 minutes swimming, so not a complete waste of time and then the over officious 15 year old who's "in charge" blows his whistle several times and shouts some thing unintelligble. Then siren goes and the words "fnah blor chah snee" come across the tannoy, obviously this means the pool is closing, but you'd never know now would you.
We make our way along with the other 500 let down customers to what Jack and I call "The Fluids", I think it somes up swimming pools generally, since I'm all to painfully aware that, that isn't water I'm swimming in....all of a sudden the mediterranean (I know) looks clean.
We do a bit of that and then Jack decides we're going home as he has some Yu Gi Oh cards to sort out and some repeats of a repeat to watch on childrens telly...
Saturday evening, was made up of watching Dr Who? on the telly and not much else.
Sunday 17th April 2005:
Mandy calls me to have a look at our washing machine. I look at it and go "wow a washing machine", "no it's not spinning" she explains, I'm really not looking forward to this but I decide to take the filter out of the pump, in order to do this I have to lift the washing machine up by about 6 - 8 inches in order to get a washing up bowl under it to drain the water out of it.
This is achieved by the Cre8 patented washing machine lifting system or 4 old paint tins as it's known to everyone else. The idea is that you put two at the front of the machine, tilt it back, slide them under, push the machine forward and slide the other two underneath it, it works really well... I extract the filter and find nothing, so while still on it's tins, I run up a rinse cycle having Mandy first explain to me what a washing cycle is and how to achieve one on a washing machine... That's it then the motors knackered. "Why don't you phone my dad", Mandy suggests, "ok I said"..."Sounds like the motor's knackered to me", is his response...I'm feeling this is going to be expensive...
.......So we order a new washing machine and in disgust (partly due to the stench coming from the drain pipe) wheel the machine outside the front garden for them to come and collect.
Monday 18th April 2005:
Monday started like any other day to be honest, documentation still needed doing and I still didn't fancy doing it, I have a banging headache, in fact I had one all weekend if truth be known.
I make it to work (just) after nearly killing myself tripping past the washing machine that is outside our front door.
Today is a bit more interesting, there's a panic on, the new IT director Chris treincarnated, has been to Overdone, and is not impressed and wants action, yeah right... The Wizard, Silent rob and myself take refuge in, err his office, to discuss options, we come up with an option that I designed (heh if you've got it, you've got it !).
I also take the opportunity to push for replacing their file servers with a WAFS (wide are file server) system, so that we can drag all their kit back to head office...the path to world domination is rejoined !!!
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Adventure 19: 14th April 2005
"What do you mean, "has Calais got a sea front ?" ????"...lo again, got a spare few hours so time for a catch up I guess.
Copyfromonlinehelp is almost complete for the storage stuff, 62 pages of unadulterated (well ok fairly adulterated) garbage. I just have to copy edit it, correct it, copy edit it again, peer review it and then I'm done...phew, it's been a long old 4 weeks so far....
My last entry dealt with my April Fools Pay rise as it'll now less than affectionately be known...well I've moved on, got over it, started applying for jobs again, hell £7 a month better off, when my Council Tax, Mortgage Interest rates and basically everything else has gone up, isn't exactly what you'd call a vote of confidence.
It's all happening this week I can tell you.
Monday: 11th April 2005 08:35ish
It's a Monday, what can I say ? I trudge in at about 08:35ish, the kids (except POD) having had two weeks of freedom from School are now back. POD has an inset (whatever that means) day or teacher training. Now the clever amongst you will recognise the fact that having had two weeks off over easter, obviously there wasn't any time to fit a training day in during that time, silly silly me for thinking it. Still the roads are fairly clear so it can't just be POD's school and I make it in, in about 5 minutes.
10:00:
I'm a bit fed up today to be honest. Bailout has phoned in "sick" so the speculation for once has shifted from me to him, is he working for a mate, really sick, interview etc etc.
11:00: Documentation is taking it's time to get formatted etc, so I break out and do something mad, like check my yahoo mail, forgetting of course the machine at home is set to automatically download it, every five minutes. I'm going to have to change that as it's somehow really depressing not seeing any messages, hell I'd settle for some pornographic spam right now, but then who wouldn't ?
12:00 30 mins until lunch, so I quickly type an email to HR asking them what my hours of work are actually supposed to be, the response is fairly quick too, 36.25. That doesn't really help me though, (wanted to know what start equalled what finish time) so I ask the same question but in a different way, and I use a different font (that'll impress them) to emphasis the point that I'm asking this because I'm really going to try and sitck to it.
13:30: Back from lunch, POD was his usual chatty self, but insisted on waving to me as I drove past the house on the way back. It's normally in the morning that this happens and there's just a rather skinny, half naked body waving at me in full view of all the neighbours, bless him. It's got even better than that now, in that the next door neighbours children are waving at me now too. If I carry on I'll be waving to all the children in the estate by the end of the year.
Back to bloody documentation, then brentboy drags me kicking and screaming out for a smoke, "no no let me do my documentation, I have to I have to, it's what I live for..." ok I said "yeah smoke" really.
Not much else to write home about on this.
Tuesday: 14th April 2005:
08:45:
Kids are obviously back at school grrrr, Ryan has been up at god knows what time since Monday and is far too awake for his own good imho. POD however hasn't quite got the I want to wake up bit sorted. For some reason he like others find it impossible to get up on a school day and yet can be up a 6am during the holidays, why is this ? Answers on a postcard please.
08:46:
Having growled my way past the string of 4x4's and the people carriers and the plethora of other stupid drivers (I'm excellent obviously, and really don't drop things like a cigarette lighter in the car just out of reach and then try and get it by stretching as far as I can to the passenger side to pick it up. I look up and low and behold I'm heading towards a lampost, a quick flick of the steering wheel and I'm back on course again), ok so I make it to work....just.
09:00: HR have come back to me to tell me that if I were to start at 9:00 I should finish at 5:15pm including an hour for lunch. Right then as I start at 08:30 (well ok) every day then it's a 4:45pm finish, which I'm going to try and hit....
10:00: Documentation is still looming, I know I'm getting close to the end because It's a real effort to do it now. My morning bleary eyes are really struggling to see the screen.
11:00: Bailout is still off "sick", so not an interview then. What to do with my time I don't know..documentation ??
13:30: Back from lunch Dave "spitfire" Nomad (or the father in law) has been sorting out his loft, the stuff he has up there, I shudder to think what's up my loft. Still he was regailing me with the story of his buyer (they're moving), who had asked why the boundary had been moved in 9 inches. Now in a 110ft garden that's obviously a big bloody problem. I did point out to Dave that it's not possible to move a boundary, since it is by definition a boundary. The fence he built (all 110 ft of it) himself, about 2 months previously, is simply built inside it...
14:00: "So how are we doing", he's back, the grand wizard, "yeah ok", I manage to do that thing where you look and sound really awake when you're actually still asleep ..."what are you doing", he asks, I'm wide awake now, two questions together, there has to be a law against this somewhere. "I'm documenting the SVM and new file server", I reply, "jolly good" he says wondering off back to his annoying ring tone ridden desk.
15:00: Today is really dragging, but it's Liverpools champions league quarter final second leg so at least something on telly worth watching tonight....
Wednesday: 15th April 2005:
We bloody won !!! I can't quite beleive it, I'm on a bit of a high today. Chelsea are next, first time two premiership sides are in the semi of the champions league. We stand a really good chance of getting to the final, since Chelsea have beaten us twice in the league and once in the league cup, wahay!
Now then it's midway through the week, what shall I do..ah yes some documentation....
Copyfromonlinehelp is almost complete for the storage stuff, 62 pages of unadulterated (well ok fairly adulterated) garbage. I just have to copy edit it, correct it, copy edit it again, peer review it and then I'm done...phew, it's been a long old 4 weeks so far....
My last entry dealt with my April Fools Pay rise as it'll now less than affectionately be known...well I've moved on, got over it, started applying for jobs again, hell £7 a month better off, when my Council Tax, Mortgage Interest rates and basically everything else has gone up, isn't exactly what you'd call a vote of confidence.
It's all happening this week I can tell you.
Monday: 11th April 2005 08:35ish
It's a Monday, what can I say ? I trudge in at about 08:35ish, the kids (except POD) having had two weeks of freedom from School are now back. POD has an inset (whatever that means) day or teacher training. Now the clever amongst you will recognise the fact that having had two weeks off over easter, obviously there wasn't any time to fit a training day in during that time, silly silly me for thinking it. Still the roads are fairly clear so it can't just be POD's school and I make it in, in about 5 minutes.
10:00:
I'm a bit fed up today to be honest. Bailout has phoned in "sick" so the speculation for once has shifted from me to him, is he working for a mate, really sick, interview etc etc.
11:00: Documentation is taking it's time to get formatted etc, so I break out and do something mad, like check my yahoo mail, forgetting of course the machine at home is set to automatically download it, every five minutes. I'm going to have to change that as it's somehow really depressing not seeing any messages, hell I'd settle for some pornographic spam right now, but then who wouldn't ?
12:00 30 mins until lunch, so I quickly type an email to HR asking them what my hours of work are actually supposed to be, the response is fairly quick too, 36.25. That doesn't really help me though, (wanted to know what start equalled what finish time) so I ask the same question but in a different way, and I use a different font (that'll impress them) to emphasis the point that I'm asking this because I'm really going to try and sitck to it.
13:30: Back from lunch, POD was his usual chatty self, but insisted on waving to me as I drove past the house on the way back. It's normally in the morning that this happens and there's just a rather skinny, half naked body waving at me in full view of all the neighbours, bless him. It's got even better than that now, in that the next door neighbours children are waving at me now too. If I carry on I'll be waving to all the children in the estate by the end of the year.
Back to bloody documentation, then brentboy drags me kicking and screaming out for a smoke, "no no let me do my documentation, I have to I have to, it's what I live for..." ok I said "yeah smoke" really.
Not much else to write home about on this.
Tuesday: 14th April 2005:
08:45:
Kids are obviously back at school grrrr, Ryan has been up at god knows what time since Monday and is far too awake for his own good imho. POD however hasn't quite got the I want to wake up bit sorted. For some reason he like others find it impossible to get up on a school day and yet can be up a 6am during the holidays, why is this ? Answers on a postcard please.
08:46:
Having growled my way past the string of 4x4's and the people carriers and the plethora of other stupid drivers (I'm excellent obviously, and really don't drop things like a cigarette lighter in the car just out of reach and then try and get it by stretching as far as I can to the passenger side to pick it up. I look up and low and behold I'm heading towards a lampost, a quick flick of the steering wheel and I'm back on course again), ok so I make it to work....just.
09:00: HR have come back to me to tell me that if I were to start at 9:00 I should finish at 5:15pm including an hour for lunch. Right then as I start at 08:30 (well ok) every day then it's a 4:45pm finish, which I'm going to try and hit....
10:00: Documentation is still looming, I know I'm getting close to the end because It's a real effort to do it now. My morning bleary eyes are really struggling to see the screen.
11:00: Bailout is still off "sick", so not an interview then. What to do with my time I don't know..documentation ??
13:30: Back from lunch Dave "spitfire" Nomad (or the father in law) has been sorting out his loft, the stuff he has up there, I shudder to think what's up my loft. Still he was regailing me with the story of his buyer (they're moving), who had asked why the boundary had been moved in 9 inches. Now in a 110ft garden that's obviously a big bloody problem. I did point out to Dave that it's not possible to move a boundary, since it is by definition a boundary. The fence he built (all 110 ft of it) himself, about 2 months previously, is simply built inside it...
14:00: "So how are we doing", he's back, the grand wizard, "yeah ok", I manage to do that thing where you look and sound really awake when you're actually still asleep ..."what are you doing", he asks, I'm wide awake now, two questions together, there has to be a law against this somewhere. "I'm documenting the SVM and new file server", I reply, "jolly good" he says wondering off back to his annoying ring tone ridden desk.
15:00: Today is really dragging, but it's Liverpools champions league quarter final second leg so at least something on telly worth watching tonight....
Wednesday: 15th April 2005:
We bloody won !!! I can't quite beleive it, I'm on a bit of a high today. Chelsea are next, first time two premiership sides are in the semi of the champions league. We stand a really good chance of getting to the final, since Chelsea have beaten us twice in the league and once in the league cup, wahay!
Now then it's midway through the week, what shall I do..ah yes some documentation....
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Adventure 18: 8th April 2005
“sure son, you can borrow the carving knife….” Hello all! It’s been what seems like ages so, it must be at least a week since my last…
It’s been fairly manic so hopefully I won’t miss anything out….
Thursday 31st March 2005
The Grand Wizard is “working from home” today God I wish I could do that.
I send him an email, asking that since it’s the end of the month, and since Britney Skunkmaster (since he’s forever walking around with his Bluetooth headset on), had said that we’d find out about our pay rises by the end of the month, I was curious as to when we would actually find out.
The reply was simply that due to a hold up at HR (man they have to improve security for those guys), things were a little delayed, but clarity on the pay rise situation should be forthcoming shortly…hmmm that clarity word I’m not looking forward to this. Now then in 15 years in IT, I’ve never had a payrise bigger than 3% soooo as a guess 3% looks most likely. Not a huge amount but not to be sniffed at either.
Friday 1st April 2005
Apparently there’s a large sunami, heading for the coast of Britain, yeah right, it’s the 1st of April so that’s going to likely isn’t it. Most fault lines and natural disasters know all about the tradition of April Fool’s so it’d never happen on that day in any case. That being said if it doesn’t hit until after 12pm the joke will be on it !
The Wizard is in a good mood today, so he must know what his pay rise is going to be, a lot by the persistent grin on his face and the fact he keeps talking to people about cars and stuff like that, the anticipation is growing.
About 4pm he calls me in to Britney’s office, “when I saw these, I knew yours was going to be the hardest one”, he explains, I simply stare into space trying to look surprised. He hands me a company headed letter indicating that my salary from today would be £500 more than it was last year. I simply shrug, Rule # 5: Never say “thank you” for a pay rise, because a. The person telling you about it, had nothing to do with it, b. It’s never enough and c. You’re bloody well worth it and they owed it to you. “Now then don’t be too disheartened by the amount” he stammers, trying desperately to make feel like a £1 per day pay rise isn’t actually an insult, oh no, “what you have to understand is that you’re paid quite a lot more than the others in the team”, ok then so until they earn the same as me I can expect this ? “you also have to consider the perception factor”, oh this old cookie, “it’s always Brentboy and Me at the meetings, taking actions etc, so you’re never seen to be doing anything”, ok so going to the meetings would be a good thing then ? Those meetings that I don’t get invited to and brentboy does ? “We all know that brentboy takes on too much”, err no, Brentboy takes on what you give him to do, he has little choice in the matter, I feel there’s a massive justification issue here, so we’ll see, Brentboy is off next week with his son, I didn’t have the heart to tell him the weather is going to be typically April, i.e. rain, sleet, snow, -5 northerly winds etc etc, I’ll let him find out all by himself. That being said we’ll see when he comes back, if he’s all chipper and enthusiastic then I know where the pay rise went ;-).
I go home feeling a bit dejected for some reason.
Still on the up side, Mandy and I are having a rare night out. We’re going to the theatre in town to see Jack Dee, Christ I need a laugh.
Saturday 2nd April 2005
T Minus 1 day and counting until Armageddon (POD’s birthday)
I’ve only just recovered from a very good night out. Jack Dee was really funny and then we decided to recapture some our youth by going to the local Donor Kebab van (spelling was deliberate incidentally). Having spent at least half an hour waiting, listening to the inane mumblings of the owner of the van’s “best mate”, there’s always one isn’t there. He’s been coming to this van for the last two weeks, so now feels the need to tell everyone who’ll listen how he gets extra chicken, salad and chillies with his orders. Best mate ? ha! The owner is sick of the sight of him and is actually trying his best to give him food poisoning, that’s the real reason for the extra portions !!! But I digress…it’s 10am ish and we’re up !! On a Saturday ??? Yup we’re off to the local AfFord garage to see if we can trade in our Mondeo for a newer car (fat chance!)
10:30: Having dropped the kids off with their grandparents Dave, spitfire and Olly, feedingofthefivethousandwasmyidea we turn up at the showroom, I can tell we’re both really looking forward to it. The salesman we’re supposed to see is a bit busy at present with another couple of victims, sorry customers, so we wait. He’s about 10 minutes and then comes over to us, “can I help you?” he asks innocently, “err we made an appointment to come in and see you about our mondeo”, he looks at us blankly, “you wrote it in your diary” I say, “did I”, man this is like wading through treacle, he paces over to his desk diary, “Mr & Mrs 8tor ?”, he asks innocently, “yeeeessss” I say becoming a kindergarten teacher for about 5 seconds….”right ok, so what can I do for you ?”….I’m losing the will to live at this point. Mandy takes over and explains that we’re on an No-Options plan and that it’s up at the end of June, so we need to sort out what we’re going to be doing, i.e. handing in the keys, handing in the keys or alternatively handing in the keys. He busies himself at his computer screen making sure we can’t see the ridiculously low prices of the cars that we wanted. Ok I’ve got this one. NNNN MLK, 6 speed gearbox, 1.8 LX in black and it’s yours for £11,000. Just a second £11k ? “£11k ??” I ask, Mandy cuts in “but we’ve seen them much cheaper than that on the AfFord Indirect web site”, “really?” he asks almost believably surprised (almost but not quite!), “well this is all it’s coming up as, tell you what why don’t I go and value your car?”, we agree and he goes off clipboard in hand, ticking bits and writing things down whilst opening and closing doors and boots and bonnets (he’ll get to our car in a minute), I was just waiting for him to start kicking the tyres (the new one’s I bought last week), when he seemed to have finished and came in, muttering something like, “won’t be a minute” as he disappeared off in to the “managers” office, to decide sorry calculate how much they were going to rip us off. After about 5 minutes of both of the standing with their backs to us, pointing at the clipboard, looking over their shoulders at us “do they look rich ? well she does but he doesn’t…” our salesman comes back. “right ok, I’ve valued your car and it’s in pretty good shape, it’s worth according to “the book” £4,800 but for this car we’re prepared to give you £5,300”, bloody good of them I thought given the car’s just a shade over two years old and it cost us over £10,000 when we bought it. They work out all the figures etc, and it comes to £193.68 per month over three years, which is a shade over the £150 absolute bear minimum that we were prepared to pay, so we make our “ok we’ll have a think about it” excuses and leave, thoroughly disillusioned with the whole process.
The rest of Saturday is a bit of blur, I remember watching the second episode of the new Doctor Who? Which was good but I can’t actually think of anything else worth talking about…so I won’t.
Sunday 3rd April 2005
It’s Jack’s birthday !! (my appendix scar is getting twitchy too), so we’re up with almost a lark at about 8:30am and it’s presents time. Mandy says “can you get the camera” so I do, then I discover there’s no power left in the batteries or so the camera says (it’s a bit dodgy on them, and eats batteries for breakfast), so I go to the universal "find everything in here draw" and get my bag of semi used / unused / completely flat batteries and load a pair up.
Sure enough it’s saying the charge is full on the camera, and Jack begins tearing up some pretty impressive presents. Two pictures later and the thing is flashing at me again, so I load up another pair of batteries take another couple of pictures and the same thing. Note to self, never buy a digital camera from Ebay again!!
We loll around for a bit (well I go back to bed and have a snooze, it was early for a Sunday), Ryan begins making Jack’s bioncles for him, ahhh my work is nearly done.
15:00 Jacks mates begin arriving bringing him even more gear, God I wish I was 9 again, and in 20 minutes we’re going to the cinema to see Robots, with 5 kids and just me and Mandy to try and steer them away from oncoming traffic etc. We made it in to the cinema without too much of a hitch, the film was very funny and nearly managed to keep Mandy awake all the way through, but she was feeling a bit under the weather.
17:00 Ok so I have a brilliant idea of walking down to McDontdoititsnotworthit to feed the starving brood we’ve adopted for the day. We get them to sit down (not an unimpressive task), but Ryan is supervising, so we’ll be fine.
We’re up to the counter behind, some very loud teenagers, who are so cool, that rather than queue, they can just get one of their mates to order for them, “get us a milkshake”, now that is cool. We get to the front of the queue, and Steve our counter man is ready…”right then I want 2 childrens nugget meals with noteethhyperactivitydrink, 1 childerns cheeseburger meal with water, a childrens burger meal and a plain childrens burger meal”, he reads it back to me “yup that’s it” so I pay and I wait…it’s all there as quick as you like and I walk it over to the kids, he even brings the tray with their drinks on, now that’s what you call service !
Turns out that the plain burger meal was misunderstood to mean, put every thing on it. James is so allergic to so many things he has to have his epipen with him all the time, so I trudge back to the counter and explain, “Ok” steve says, no problem, I’ll get a new one made. I wait 5 minutes and he hands me a new burger, which I hand to James, who opens it and discovers, the same ingredients as before…so I trudge back and explain once again, third time lucky hooray. Burgers are wolfed down and drinks are nearly drunk, the natives are getting restless, so we exit and make our way back to the car(s).
All in all a good day Jack seemed to enjoy it so that’s the main thing and both Mandy and I survived. Work tomorrow, I’m really really feeling like going in, I may even spend my daily pay rise on a celebratory can of coke from the vending machine, but that would just be pushing the boat out too far now wouldn’t it ?
Where was my C.V…..ah there we are…
It’s been fairly manic so hopefully I won’t miss anything out….
Thursday 31st March 2005
The Grand Wizard is “working from home” today God I wish I could do that.
I send him an email, asking that since it’s the end of the month, and since Britney Skunkmaster (since he’s forever walking around with his Bluetooth headset on), had said that we’d find out about our pay rises by the end of the month, I was curious as to when we would actually find out.
The reply was simply that due to a hold up at HR (man they have to improve security for those guys), things were a little delayed, but clarity on the pay rise situation should be forthcoming shortly…hmmm that clarity word I’m not looking forward to this. Now then in 15 years in IT, I’ve never had a payrise bigger than 3% soooo as a guess 3% looks most likely. Not a huge amount but not to be sniffed at either.
Friday 1st April 2005
Apparently there’s a large sunami, heading for the coast of Britain, yeah right, it’s the 1st of April so that’s going to likely isn’t it. Most fault lines and natural disasters know all about the tradition of April Fool’s so it’d never happen on that day in any case. That being said if it doesn’t hit until after 12pm the joke will be on it !
The Wizard is in a good mood today, so he must know what his pay rise is going to be, a lot by the persistent grin on his face and the fact he keeps talking to people about cars and stuff like that, the anticipation is growing.
About 4pm he calls me in to Britney’s office, “when I saw these, I knew yours was going to be the hardest one”, he explains, I simply stare into space trying to look surprised. He hands me a company headed letter indicating that my salary from today would be £500 more than it was last year. I simply shrug, Rule # 5: Never say “thank you” for a pay rise, because a. The person telling you about it, had nothing to do with it, b. It’s never enough and c. You’re bloody well worth it and they owed it to you. “Now then don’t be too disheartened by the amount” he stammers, trying desperately to make feel like a £1 per day pay rise isn’t actually an insult, oh no, “what you have to understand is that you’re paid quite a lot more than the others in the team”, ok then so until they earn the same as me I can expect this ? “you also have to consider the perception factor”, oh this old cookie, “it’s always Brentboy and Me at the meetings, taking actions etc, so you’re never seen to be doing anything”, ok so going to the meetings would be a good thing then ? Those meetings that I don’t get invited to and brentboy does ? “We all know that brentboy takes on too much”, err no, Brentboy takes on what you give him to do, he has little choice in the matter, I feel there’s a massive justification issue here, so we’ll see, Brentboy is off next week with his son, I didn’t have the heart to tell him the weather is going to be typically April, i.e. rain, sleet, snow, -5 northerly winds etc etc, I’ll let him find out all by himself. That being said we’ll see when he comes back, if he’s all chipper and enthusiastic then I know where the pay rise went ;-).
I go home feeling a bit dejected for some reason.
Still on the up side, Mandy and I are having a rare night out. We’re going to the theatre in town to see Jack Dee, Christ I need a laugh.
Saturday 2nd April 2005
T Minus 1 day and counting until Armageddon (POD’s birthday)
I’ve only just recovered from a very good night out. Jack Dee was really funny and then we decided to recapture some our youth by going to the local Donor Kebab van (spelling was deliberate incidentally). Having spent at least half an hour waiting, listening to the inane mumblings of the owner of the van’s “best mate”, there’s always one isn’t there. He’s been coming to this van for the last two weeks, so now feels the need to tell everyone who’ll listen how he gets extra chicken, salad and chillies with his orders. Best mate ? ha! The owner is sick of the sight of him and is actually trying his best to give him food poisoning, that’s the real reason for the extra portions !!! But I digress…it’s 10am ish and we’re up !! On a Saturday ??? Yup we’re off to the local AfFord garage to see if we can trade in our Mondeo for a newer car (fat chance!)
10:30: Having dropped the kids off with their grandparents Dave, spitfire and Olly, feedingofthefivethousandwasmyidea we turn up at the showroom, I can tell we’re both really looking forward to it. The salesman we’re supposed to see is a bit busy at present with another couple of victims, sorry customers, so we wait. He’s about 10 minutes and then comes over to us, “can I help you?” he asks innocently, “err we made an appointment to come in and see you about our mondeo”, he looks at us blankly, “you wrote it in your diary” I say, “did I”, man this is like wading through treacle, he paces over to his desk diary, “Mr & Mrs 8tor ?”, he asks innocently, “yeeeessss” I say becoming a kindergarten teacher for about 5 seconds….”right ok, so what can I do for you ?”….I’m losing the will to live at this point. Mandy takes over and explains that we’re on an No-Options plan and that it’s up at the end of June, so we need to sort out what we’re going to be doing, i.e. handing in the keys, handing in the keys or alternatively handing in the keys. He busies himself at his computer screen making sure we can’t see the ridiculously low prices of the cars that we wanted. Ok I’ve got this one. NNNN MLK, 6 speed gearbox, 1.8 LX in black and it’s yours for £11,000. Just a second £11k ? “£11k ??” I ask, Mandy cuts in “but we’ve seen them much cheaper than that on the AfFord Indirect web site”, “really?” he asks almost believably surprised (almost but not quite!), “well this is all it’s coming up as, tell you what why don’t I go and value your car?”, we agree and he goes off clipboard in hand, ticking bits and writing things down whilst opening and closing doors and boots and bonnets (he’ll get to our car in a minute), I was just waiting for him to start kicking the tyres (the new one’s I bought last week), when he seemed to have finished and came in, muttering something like, “won’t be a minute” as he disappeared off in to the “managers” office, to decide sorry calculate how much they were going to rip us off. After about 5 minutes of both of the standing with their backs to us, pointing at the clipboard, looking over their shoulders at us “do they look rich ? well she does but he doesn’t…” our salesman comes back. “right ok, I’ve valued your car and it’s in pretty good shape, it’s worth according to “the book” £4,800 but for this car we’re prepared to give you £5,300”, bloody good of them I thought given the car’s just a shade over two years old and it cost us over £10,000 when we bought it. They work out all the figures etc, and it comes to £193.68 per month over three years, which is a shade over the £150 absolute bear minimum that we were prepared to pay, so we make our “ok we’ll have a think about it” excuses and leave, thoroughly disillusioned with the whole process.
The rest of Saturday is a bit of blur, I remember watching the second episode of the new Doctor Who? Which was good but I can’t actually think of anything else worth talking about…so I won’t.
Sunday 3rd April 2005
It’s Jack’s birthday !! (my appendix scar is getting twitchy too), so we’re up with almost a lark at about 8:30am and it’s presents time. Mandy says “can you get the camera” so I do, then I discover there’s no power left in the batteries or so the camera says (it’s a bit dodgy on them, and eats batteries for breakfast), so I go to the universal "find everything in here draw" and get my bag of semi used / unused / completely flat batteries and load a pair up.
Sure enough it’s saying the charge is full on the camera, and Jack begins tearing up some pretty impressive presents. Two pictures later and the thing is flashing at me again, so I load up another pair of batteries take another couple of pictures and the same thing. Note to self, never buy a digital camera from Ebay again!!
We loll around for a bit (well I go back to bed and have a snooze, it was early for a Sunday), Ryan begins making Jack’s bioncles for him, ahhh my work is nearly done.
15:00 Jacks mates begin arriving bringing him even more gear, God I wish I was 9 again, and in 20 minutes we’re going to the cinema to see Robots, with 5 kids and just me and Mandy to try and steer them away from oncoming traffic etc. We made it in to the cinema without too much of a hitch, the film was very funny and nearly managed to keep Mandy awake all the way through, but she was feeling a bit under the weather.
17:00 Ok so I have a brilliant idea of walking down to McDontdoititsnotworthit to feed the starving brood we’ve adopted for the day. We get them to sit down (not an unimpressive task), but Ryan is supervising, so we’ll be fine.
We’re up to the counter behind, some very loud teenagers, who are so cool, that rather than queue, they can just get one of their mates to order for them, “get us a milkshake”, now that is cool. We get to the front of the queue, and Steve our counter man is ready…”right then I want 2 childrens nugget meals with noteethhyperactivitydrink, 1 childerns cheeseburger meal with water, a childrens burger meal and a plain childrens burger meal”, he reads it back to me “yup that’s it” so I pay and I wait…it’s all there as quick as you like and I walk it over to the kids, he even brings the tray with their drinks on, now that’s what you call service !
Turns out that the plain burger meal was misunderstood to mean, put every thing on it. James is so allergic to so many things he has to have his epipen with him all the time, so I trudge back to the counter and explain, “Ok” steve says, no problem, I’ll get a new one made. I wait 5 minutes and he hands me a new burger, which I hand to James, who opens it and discovers, the same ingredients as before…so I trudge back and explain once again, third time lucky hooray. Burgers are wolfed down and drinks are nearly drunk, the natives are getting restless, so we exit and make our way back to the car(s).
All in all a good day Jack seemed to enjoy it so that’s the main thing and both Mandy and I survived. Work tomorrow, I’m really really feeling like going in, I may even spend my daily pay rise on a celebratory can of coke from the vending machine, but that would just be pushing the boat out too far now wouldn’t it ?
Where was my C.V…..ah there we are…
