Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Adventure 42 - 21st November 2005
“I can sort of see if I squint..and don’t blink…how do you get these suckers out ?....”, Lo all yup me again, yer resident vision expert…I am now an expert on vision and lenses of all types…you’ve got to do something while your waiting for these people….
Monday 21st November 2005:
Monday, Monday, Monday so good they named it once….
08:30: Made it to work…gotta get these new servers configured and up to the MFI Co Lo before Nunob gets back.
That’s right the two weeks of bliss and actually getting something done at work are in to the last week. Brenty, like a fool has taken this week off...therefore breaking rule number 358, never take the same week off as your annoying portuguese boss.
09:00: Quiet Rob, is in and so is Basra, the name change was just to wind him up so I’m reverting it to the proper one from now on.
10:30: Getting slightly fed up with New Year’s Eve party we’re trying to organise again. It’s the same every year…Funny though that people who said things like “oh you’ve got to do this again” and “we really enjoyed ourselves are you booking the hall for next year”, are now the one’s who’re to say the least being a little bit cagey on the subject ….Ok I expect nothing more from people at work Brenty excluded.
11:00: Forgot to mention, POD is off school sick today…finally the “friendly bacteria” have caught up with him…he’s got a hacking cough and seems to spend most of the day in fact coughing, which can’t be fun. Still at least Drama King, Ryan’s next big production isn’t until NEXT SATURDAY, so he should be ok, gulp…
The production being The Wizard of Oz…and somehow he’s managed to land the part of the scarecrow…I don’t know what it is about him that makes people think that !!!
12:00: The backups have had another epi fit so, most of today I know will be spent sorting them out…
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back now..nothing much more to report….
Tuesday 22nd November 2005:
Just checked my bank balance..and it’s not good, little too much month at the end of the money, so I fully intend on winning the lottery some time soon.
06:Bloody:30: Yup up with other nocturnal creatures…somehow I have to manage to get Ryan up, make his breakfast and get him out of the door by 7:20 when he’s being picked up for Basketball practice..I don’t know how I managed to achieve that but I do…just…
08:00: Alan, the cat is still with us…several phone calls to the RSPCA and a snotty email, (which is probably why they’ve not come round to pick him up), later, he’s still camped outside our back door. So much so that Mandy has now taken to buying cat food, since it was cheaper than the sandwich ham she had been feeding him…We’re also buying an extra pint of milk a week too..well he’s almost one of the family….I say one of the family..not a close relative I hasten to add, more a sort of long lost, distant cousin, who’s just finished doing a 20 year stretch and you can’t quite remember what they were put away for…
08:30: Well I’ve arrived…this week has been particularly cold and Ryan informs me that we’ll have snow by Friday..yeah right…like we ever get anything like that. It snows all day and all we end up with is some slushy puddles on the floor and damp car mats…I’ll believe it when I see it…
09:00: All a bit quiet and boring today..too much stuff to do, too many agent’s trying to touch my base and do their updates…One had even considered me for a job….in Lancashire…oh well done them…that’s all I can say..
10:00: Quiet Rob and Basra are off to Posthumouth today (so they say…Gasra is looking distinctly jealous)…they're now to be known as the dynamic duo, Basraman and Quiet Rob-in..I hasten to add that Brenty has decided this all on his own...still Basra is a little more happy with this than his last name....
11:00: All quiet on the western front so I decide to go and try my luck at restoring one of our SQL databases using our test server imaginatively named DR-TEST and our spare LTO-2 tape drive....fat chance....
11:30: Two restores later…and both have failed, I’m getting more and more riled up now..
12:00: In a fit of peak I decide…to email support at Vertebrate Systems the vendor of our much beloved backup software to ask them why…
12:10: That’s quick…and yes they’ve responded with their oh so typical “can you send us a binary log file” standard response email…to which they get a sarcastic response from me, mentioning the similarity between their binary logs and a urine sample that I might have to take to a hospital appointment.
12:25: Just before lunch (they really are cooking with gas now) I get another response, basically thanking me for the binary log which they’ll have a look at over the next couple of weeks !!! But importantly stressing that they had no use for a urine sample on this occasion…gotta love helpdesks haven’t you…
Wednesday 23rd November 2005
08:30: Made it in to work in record time today and it’s still cold…
09:00 Basraman and Quiet Rob-in are in so at least today I have someone to talk at.
09:30: I’m desperately trying to pin Basra down to a date to take the new servers to the Co Lo…no luck so far…He's far too in love with Quiet Rob...
10:00: Quiet Rob has had a tango and is being a bit lary..I might have to give him a slap if he doesn’t stop…In the mean time I’ve emailed Mary Tyrant with the suggestion that since the Verishagged No Backups software they’re using in the Overdone office is in need of replacement (and they’ve got a project manager for that…what I’d give to have a project manager), "why not ",I say "save the money it’ll cost to do the upgrade and use the NetVolox software we use here in Backofbeyond.., we can control all the backups from here”, I say..well let the heavens open and the sky fall in and there be much grinding and gnashing of teeth on the subject…why oh why would we want to use some software that actually does backups…how will we control our destiny if you’re controlling our backups and what will we do with the money that we’ve saved…all themes coming through in the response from Mary…
I thought about replying, but then I’d have to give a damn and since I don’t I won’t ;-))
11:00: Turns out that Quiet Rob got Basra to pull over on the way back from Posthumouth to “clean his headlights” ok…Gasra is now looking more jealous than ever….looking longingly over…I don’t know…young love….
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back from lunch…The PM in charge of the Overdone storage project comes over to me fairly distraught to say that Net Vollox can’t be used there because…because the big scary man said we couldn’t (I thought he was in Portugal but never mind) ah well I can but try…
14:30: Just got off the phone from Richman, owner of a small supplier of ours namely Copper Nitrate Centre…I did have to explain to him that in order for them to make money, it was fairly important that they provide their prospective customers with quotes for the kit they wanted to buy…a small but I think you’ll agree beautifully formed argument, even if I do say so myself….
15:30: Quiet Rob has informed us that on Friday it’ll be 1 month until Christmas…I couldn’t resist a little wind up…
“Sorry bob, but you’re wrong mate…”, here I go…”No I’m not” he indignantly replies…”You said it’s one month to Christmas, but you haven’t specified which month it is… since we’re already in the middle of November, it can’t actually be any amount of months now can it..”, he’s looking confused now “err” yup that confirms it…” you can say it’s 4 weeks until Christmas…but you can’t say it’s a month…” great he’s completely lost…and just gets on with his work…I love it when a plan comes together….
Thursday 24th November 2005:
08:00 Up with a complete shock since we’re going out on Friday (shock horror, married couple go out, hold the back page)…I need to have a hair cut…not much off but just a tidy up…so I’ve booked up to go tonight..which means…..I have to wash my hair (or get a very wet flannel and wash it that way) this morning, which means, I have to go to work without gel in, which means I will have to suffer the derision of my colleagues and countless individuals like Mr Clever pants, Crispin Spider, likening me to one of the beatles..I will of course retort with things like “at least I’ve got hair” etc but somehow they’ve been done…
The good thing with this is that since I’m not wearing my glasses at the moment they may not recognise me, or they may do that pretending not to recognise me thing an all too familiar tactic of Adey Suarvey…
09:00: Yup I was right, three people asked me about my hair, Crispin Spider, mentioned the beatles and Mr Suarvey cleverly pretended to not know who I am…anyone would think I wrote this after it had happened !!!!
10:00: Ah the trials…Not much else happening apart from work so I try and get on with some of it…The Hiccups are In a bit of mess, unfortunately, so I’m going to have to spend some time again sorting these out….
I did mean to mention that the reason for Basra and Quiet Rob’s (the dynamic duo's) trip on Tuesday was to investigate how to get our backup system to backup theirs..the very thought of sending someone down their who, actually knew a thing or two about the backup system used here, didn't even cross their minds, I'm sure...I mean I know I'm going to be doing most of the work, getting prices etc...they could've saved Basra some time and trouble going down to the site, but when did they ever do the sensible thing ?
Monday 21st November 2005:
Monday, Monday, Monday so good they named it once….
08:30: Made it to work…gotta get these new servers configured and up to the MFI Co Lo before Nunob gets back.
That’s right the two weeks of bliss and actually getting something done at work are in to the last week. Brenty, like a fool has taken this week off...therefore breaking rule number 358, never take the same week off as your annoying portuguese boss.
09:00: Quiet Rob, is in and so is Basra, the name change was just to wind him up so I’m reverting it to the proper one from now on.
10:30: Getting slightly fed up with New Year’s Eve party we’re trying to organise again. It’s the same every year…Funny though that people who said things like “oh you’ve got to do this again” and “we really enjoyed ourselves are you booking the hall for next year”, are now the one’s who’re to say the least being a little bit cagey on the subject ….Ok I expect nothing more from people at work Brenty excluded.
11:00: Forgot to mention, POD is off school sick today…finally the “friendly bacteria” have caught up with him…he’s got a hacking cough and seems to spend most of the day in fact coughing, which can’t be fun. Still at least Drama King, Ryan’s next big production isn’t until NEXT SATURDAY, so he should be ok, gulp…
The production being The Wizard of Oz…and somehow he’s managed to land the part of the scarecrow…I don’t know what it is about him that makes people think that !!!
12:00: The backups have had another epi fit so, most of today I know will be spent sorting them out…
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back now..nothing much more to report….
Tuesday 22nd November 2005:
Just checked my bank balance..and it’s not good, little too much month at the end of the money, so I fully intend on winning the lottery some time soon.
06:Bloody:30: Yup up with other nocturnal creatures…somehow I have to manage to get Ryan up, make his breakfast and get him out of the door by 7:20 when he’s being picked up for Basketball practice..I don’t know how I managed to achieve that but I do…just…
08:00: Alan, the cat is still with us…several phone calls to the RSPCA and a snotty email, (which is probably why they’ve not come round to pick him up), later, he’s still camped outside our back door. So much so that Mandy has now taken to buying cat food, since it was cheaper than the sandwich ham she had been feeding him…We’re also buying an extra pint of milk a week too..well he’s almost one of the family….I say one of the family..not a close relative I hasten to add, more a sort of long lost, distant cousin, who’s just finished doing a 20 year stretch and you can’t quite remember what they were put away for…
08:30: Well I’ve arrived…this week has been particularly cold and Ryan informs me that we’ll have snow by Friday..yeah right…like we ever get anything like that. It snows all day and all we end up with is some slushy puddles on the floor and damp car mats…I’ll believe it when I see it…
09:00: All a bit quiet and boring today..too much stuff to do, too many agent’s trying to touch my base and do their updates…One had even considered me for a job….in Lancashire…oh well done them…that’s all I can say..
10:00: Quiet Rob and Basra are off to Posthumouth today (so they say…Gasra is looking distinctly jealous)…they're now to be known as the dynamic duo, Basraman and Quiet Rob-in..I hasten to add that Brenty has decided this all on his own...still Basra is a little more happy with this than his last name....
11:00: All quiet on the western front so I decide to go and try my luck at restoring one of our SQL databases using our test server imaginatively named DR-TEST and our spare LTO-2 tape drive....fat chance....
11:30: Two restores later…and both have failed, I’m getting more and more riled up now..
12:00: In a fit of peak I decide…to email support at Vertebrate Systems the vendor of our much beloved backup software to ask them why…
12:10: That’s quick…and yes they’ve responded with their oh so typical “can you send us a binary log file” standard response email…to which they get a sarcastic response from me, mentioning the similarity between their binary logs and a urine sample that I might have to take to a hospital appointment.
12:25: Just before lunch (they really are cooking with gas now) I get another response, basically thanking me for the binary log which they’ll have a look at over the next couple of weeks !!! But importantly stressing that they had no use for a urine sample on this occasion…gotta love helpdesks haven’t you…
Wednesday 23rd November 2005
08:30: Made it in to work in record time today and it’s still cold…
09:00 Basraman and Quiet Rob-in are in so at least today I have someone to talk at.
09:30: I’m desperately trying to pin Basra down to a date to take the new servers to the Co Lo…no luck so far…He's far too in love with Quiet Rob...
10:00: Quiet Rob has had a tango and is being a bit lary..I might have to give him a slap if he doesn’t stop…In the mean time I’ve emailed Mary Tyrant with the suggestion that since the Verishagged No Backups software they’re using in the Overdone office is in need of replacement (and they’ve got a project manager for that…what I’d give to have a project manager), "why not ",I say "save the money it’ll cost to do the upgrade and use the NetVolox software we use here in Backofbeyond.., we can control all the backups from here”, I say..well let the heavens open and the sky fall in and there be much grinding and gnashing of teeth on the subject…why oh why would we want to use some software that actually does backups…how will we control our destiny if you’re controlling our backups and what will we do with the money that we’ve saved…all themes coming through in the response from Mary…
I thought about replying, but then I’d have to give a damn and since I don’t I won’t ;-))
11:00: Turns out that Quiet Rob got Basra to pull over on the way back from Posthumouth to “clean his headlights” ok…Gasra is now looking more jealous than ever….looking longingly over…I don’t know…young love….
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back from lunch…The PM in charge of the Overdone storage project comes over to me fairly distraught to say that Net Vollox can’t be used there because…because the big scary man said we couldn’t (I thought he was in Portugal but never mind) ah well I can but try…
14:30: Just got off the phone from Richman, owner of a small supplier of ours namely Copper Nitrate Centre…I did have to explain to him that in order for them to make money, it was fairly important that they provide their prospective customers with quotes for the kit they wanted to buy…a small but I think you’ll agree beautifully formed argument, even if I do say so myself….
15:30: Quiet Rob has informed us that on Friday it’ll be 1 month until Christmas…I couldn’t resist a little wind up…
“Sorry bob, but you’re wrong mate…”, here I go…”No I’m not” he indignantly replies…”You said it’s one month to Christmas, but you haven’t specified which month it is… since we’re already in the middle of November, it can’t actually be any amount of months now can it..”, he’s looking confused now “err” yup that confirms it…” you can say it’s 4 weeks until Christmas…but you can’t say it’s a month…” great he’s completely lost…and just gets on with his work…I love it when a plan comes together….
Thursday 24th November 2005:
08:00 Up with a complete shock since we’re going out on Friday (shock horror, married couple go out, hold the back page)…I need to have a hair cut…not much off but just a tidy up…so I’ve booked up to go tonight..which means…..I have to wash my hair (or get a very wet flannel and wash it that way) this morning, which means, I have to go to work without gel in, which means I will have to suffer the derision of my colleagues and countless individuals like Mr Clever pants, Crispin Spider, likening me to one of the beatles..I will of course retort with things like “at least I’ve got hair” etc but somehow they’ve been done…
The good thing with this is that since I’m not wearing my glasses at the moment they may not recognise me, or they may do that pretending not to recognise me thing an all too familiar tactic of Adey Suarvey…
09:00: Yup I was right, three people asked me about my hair, Crispin Spider, mentioned the beatles and Mr Suarvey cleverly pretended to not know who I am…anyone would think I wrote this after it had happened !!!!
10:00: Ah the trials…Not much else happening apart from work so I try and get on with some of it…The Hiccups are In a bit of mess, unfortunately, so I’m going to have to spend some time again sorting these out….
I did mean to mention that the reason for Basra and Quiet Rob’s (the dynamic duo's) trip on Tuesday was to investigate how to get our backup system to backup theirs..the very thought of sending someone down their who, actually knew a thing or two about the backup system used here, didn't even cross their minds, I'm sure...I mean I know I'm going to be doing most of the work, getting prices etc...they could've saved Basra some time and trouble going down to the site, but when did they ever do the sensible thing ?
Saturday 26th November 2005
Sorry bit of a jump, but since I can't remember the none event that was Friday, I'm not going to make anything up...Basically just an entry to say that Ryan's Wizard of Oz was fantastic again. His scarecrow magnificent, even if I am biased....for the record I've no idea why the text has gone smaller, maybe it's your eyes...
We're having a bit of a time of it with Ryan...growing up..becomming a teenager with all the strops, back chat, arrogance etc etc that comes with it...couple of pep talks coming I think...I won't bore you with the detail...it'll soon be monday, oh joy....
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Adventure 41: Covert Special: 17th November 2005
“Ok…so the DR special is gone..damn it…if anyone has it saved somewhere please email it to me….”…Yup this one Is gonna be tricky…gonna try and do at least some of this…at work…da da, dadaaaa….
17th November 2005:
08:30: Just got in…thought “I know I’ll check my orders…”, you know when you get that sinking feeling…I check the Amaskint web page, click the “Where the bloody hell are my orders” button and log in with Mandy’s account details. There are my orders, and there’s the delivery address I clicked on. The mother in law’s address,….before she moved !!!! Buggger!!!!. I check the ParcelDropped (sorry), website to discover that they don’t have telephone numbers to ring under the category “I’ve sent my parcels to the wrong address” caption, so I figure I can blag it by phoning their “any enquiries” “hot line”…nope it’s all automated “press this button”, then we’re off into fantasy voice recognition mode, so I try saying “yes” every way I can only to discover that the “recognition” bit of the system isn’t quite up to scratch. Still I seem to have redirected some video shaped brown paper covered parcels to the pope, ah well, he needs em more than me….
0845: Gave Spitfire Dave a ring, and explained, suffered the almost inevitable abuse, and then he said he’d ring the new owners of his old house and sort it out for me…phew…(well let’s hope it’s a phew)…
09:00: Just checking my email and discover one from the S.O.D. at CounterStrike….no word of a lie this is the actual email;
-----Original Message-----
From: S.O.D [mailto:soc@counterstrike.com]
Sent: 16 November 2005 11:26
To: cre8
Cc: sod@counterstrike.com
Subject: Analyst Alert / Relevant / Ticket ID DC2000001566434 / Sensor 10.8.0.2 / delarue-002 / Aggressive Mode local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses
Greetings,
On 11/16/2005 at 11:00 GMT our monitoring system created Problem Ticket DC2000001566434.
Analysis
-------------
This message reports the rejection of inbound traffic because the local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses and the cause of rejection is IPsec key rejection.
Symptom Name: Aggressive Mode local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses Severity Level: Relevant Number of Events: 1 ….
<snip>…….
Yup so that’s clear and obvious then….I send a reply….which basically says “please can you send the details through to me in plain English, i.e. what do we have to do….”
I then get the following reply…..
From: S.O.D. [mailto:sod@counterstrike.com]
Sent: 16 November 2005 14:29
To: Cre8
Subject: RE: Ticket DC2000001566434
Cre8,
This how to validate this symptom:
The following three claims regarding the Check Point implementation of IKE Aggressive Mode in VPN-1 4.1 have been made; two of these basically document known IKE limitations, and the third is addressed by the publicly available hotfix. 1.> Usernames are passed in cleartext using IKE Aggressive Mode 2.> Usernames are susceptible to brute-force guessing when using IKE Aggressive Mode 3.> VPN-1 4.1 incorrectly responds to IKE Aggressive Mode requests. LEA ( Log Export API ) is an API for accessing Checkpoint binary log files which are usually not in a clear text format.LEA is a pull mechanism by which a client retrieves the logs from the Check Point management station for real-time remote log analysis.
What to do
A hotfix is available at the Check Point software download site for the third item, in which the VPN-1 4.1 gateway would respond to IKE Aggressive Mode requests even when configured not to respond……
<snip>….
Well that’s clear then….after much deciphering I come to the conclusion that they reckon we should install a patch on our firewall…quite why they couldn’t say that is anyone’s guess….ah well, that’s techies for you…
10:45: Just out on a trip (good eh) to the Hopticians. I went for my two year sight test yesterday, with a smidge of an alterior motive. Basically I’ve been thinking about contact lenses for a little while, not for cosmetic reasons at all, but mainly because my ears have decided they don’t like my glasses and have come up in nasty little sores, also because I can’t wear my glasses playing football I tend to get hit in the face by the ball quite a lot..so today I had to go back for my consultation, and fit and trial 5 pairs of lenses…
11:00: Made it through the labyrinth that is the multi storey car park and I’ve arrived at my destination, lucky me forgot that Thursday is pension / pensioner shopping day…and town is full of doddery old people just stopping in front of me, when they dimly recognise someone who they once said hello to at the local post office 30 years ago….ah bless em…still I’m on time so I don’t care too much.
11:30: Ok been here 30 minutes (Clue’s in the company name…Aversion Express) should have guessed the name is ironic, cuh stupid me eh ?
11:40: Finally get to go in to the examination room where the same South African Optician proceeds to prod my eyeball and squirt some type of fluorine in my eyes. That all done he gets a pair of contact lenses and tries to fit them to my eyes, which are having none of it…”Try not to blink” he advises…hmmm..I wasn’t trying to blink so the chances of me trying not to blink are fairly slim, given that he’s got hold of my eyelid I’m not of a mind to tell him that blinking isn’t something you think about doing…it’s just something that happens….especially when someone is trying to stick foreign bodies in your eyeballs….Finally they’re fitted and it’s really weird…I can like see without glasses.
12:00: He’s wobbling on about the different sorts of lenses I can buy daily or monthly basically seem to be the options..but he’s only recommending daily’s because…they’re more expensive (big shock there)…he didn’t actually say that he said he thought they’d be better to start with but I know what he meant !!! “Right then” he announces, I’ll just go and see if there’s someone who can “teach” me how to put the lenses in and take them out again…should be fun. He’s gone for about 5 minutes then comes back and asks if It’s possible I can come back a little later on today…hmm…I think for a bout a millisecond and reply “sorry no, I can’t”, “how about tomorrow”, slightly confused I agree to go back at 11am tomorrow…kind of well planned out these people…I think they have shares in the car park since, with tomorrow’s appointment it’ll have cost me £6 in parking….hmmmm…..
12:30 Lunch
13:30 Back to work and I have to break the news to Mary….luckily she’s feeling friendly (which she usually is to be fair) and says that it’s fine…apparently though I owe her “presents” whatever that means…..
14:30: Not much to report now…I’m a bit deflated since I wanted to get everything sorted today…Brenty’s off now, because apparently (though no one can confirm it) he was in at 6am “ensuring” all the servers were up and working following last night’s power failure….hmmm..sounds like an excuse to leave early to me, but hey what do I care, good look to him….
15:30: Nothin’ much doing now…
17:00: Time to bloody go home…it’s been a frustrating day one way and another, so home to some good old fashioned home cooking, some kids screaming at each other, a double bill Eastenders wahay…life couldn’t get any better…
19:00: I’m getting a bit peeved…since there seems to be a bit of a sway away from our New Years Eve party. It might be that it’s only mid November and no one wants to think about New Year just yet or it might be that no one wants to come, despite them all saying how good it was last year and how we just simply had to do it all again this…mind you I remember having the same response last year, except people who said that they’d come are now saying that all of a sudden they can’t, it’s not like they were doing me a favour for Christ sake, but I do have costs to cover and if there aren’t going to be enough takers then we’ll have to cancel before we pay for the hall outright, and that would be really really annoying, for two reasons, 1. because I bought £500 worth of disco equipment and 2. because we’ll be stuck at home again, wishing away the hours until it’s midnight, so we can all go to bed..and how sad would that be…. Time to start pressing people for definitive answers I think…
Friday 18th November 2005
“oh yeah it’s really easy isn’t….not….” Lo all well here we go again…Not only have my attempt at getting some contact lenses finally come to fruition…and it only cost me £6 to park and three days to do it…but I have to go again to get “signed off” Signed up more like by the sounds of it….
08:30: Brenty was in bright and early again today (or so he says) so he’s going early too…oh yeah and it’s Friday…no coincidence there at all….
10:00: 1 hour to go until I go and get fitted up….
10:45: Keith our resident cheery bloke (the blissfully unaware) has expressed an interest in our New Years Eve party, so who knows we might have some more attendees…I’m not holding my breath at the moment though….
Just a quick mention Mandy is being very brave and going to the dentist….I don’t know why she worries but she does, so she’s spent a lovely sleepless night worrying about it…
11:10: Made it…bloody car park…why do all the doddery old f$ckers have to go to town the same time as me…I mean they’ve got arrows on the bloody floor, it’s not difficult to work out which way to go….god…for the second day running I’ve circumvented that by driving straight to the top of the car park…I can’t be bothered searching for a space…but it still took me 15 minutes to get parked…
Anyhow like I said I made it and as organised as ever I’m asked to go and sit on the orange waiting chairs…I don’t know what the chairs are waiting for, but I’m hoping It’s not an eye exam since there are loads of them…A little girl about 3 looks up at me and smiles..I smile back and she runs and hides in her mum’s lap…Well she didn’t have to smile at me…I wasn’t going to do anything mental like try and discuss the origins of the universe with her…15 minutes later I’m called through to have my “teaching” session…This is where they teach you to poke yourself in the eye and vainly try and insert a contact lens in each one, having only dropped them on the floor 3 times…the “teacher” says things like, “you know it’s really really easy once you get used to doing it” as she flicks her wrists and twiddles her fingers taking her lenses in and out each time…that really is showing off….finally we’re done and I can go to lunch…
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again…not much to report, Brenty and me moving servers from one room to another…
15:30: Brenty’s off he’s got a week off too lucky bugger…….
17:00: The weekend approaches so at least I’ll get a lie in …until 8am…cuh thank heaven for small mercies eh ?
17th November 2005:
08:30: Just got in…thought “I know I’ll check my orders…”, you know when you get that sinking feeling…I check the Amaskint web page, click the “Where the bloody hell are my orders” button and log in with Mandy’s account details. There are my orders, and there’s the delivery address I clicked on. The mother in law’s address,….before she moved !!!! Buggger!!!!. I check the ParcelDropped (sorry), website to discover that they don’t have telephone numbers to ring under the category “I’ve sent my parcels to the wrong address” caption, so I figure I can blag it by phoning their “any enquiries” “hot line”…nope it’s all automated “press this button”, then we’re off into fantasy voice recognition mode, so I try saying “yes” every way I can only to discover that the “recognition” bit of the system isn’t quite up to scratch. Still I seem to have redirected some video shaped brown paper covered parcels to the pope, ah well, he needs em more than me….
0845: Gave Spitfire Dave a ring, and explained, suffered the almost inevitable abuse, and then he said he’d ring the new owners of his old house and sort it out for me…phew…(well let’s hope it’s a phew)…
09:00: Just checking my email and discover one from the S.O.D. at CounterStrike….no word of a lie this is the actual email;
-----Original Message-----
From: S.O.D [mailto:soc@counterstrike.com]
Sent: 16 November 2005 11:26
To: cre8
Cc: sod@counterstrike.com
Subject: Analyst Alert / Relevant / Ticket ID DC2000001566434 / Sensor 10.8.0.2 / delarue-002 / Aggressive Mode local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses
Greetings,
On 11/16/2005 at 11:00 GMT our monitoring system created Problem Ticket DC2000001566434.
Analysis
-------------
This message reports the rejection of inbound traffic because the local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses and the cause of rejection is IPsec key rejection.
Symptom Name: Aggressive Mode local machine configured not to respond to unknown IP addresses Severity Level: Relevant Number of Events: 1 ….
<snip>…….
Yup so that’s clear and obvious then….I send a reply….which basically says “please can you send the details through to me in plain English, i.e. what do we have to do….”
I then get the following reply…..
From: S.O.D. [mailto:sod@counterstrike.com]
Sent: 16 November 2005 14:29
To: Cre8
Subject: RE: Ticket DC2000001566434
Cre8,
This how to validate this symptom:
The following three claims regarding the Check Point implementation of IKE Aggressive Mode in VPN-1 4.1 have been made; two of these basically document known IKE limitations, and the third is addressed by the publicly available hotfix. 1.> Usernames are passed in cleartext using IKE Aggressive Mode 2.> Usernames are susceptible to brute-force guessing when using IKE Aggressive Mode 3.> VPN-1 4.1 incorrectly responds to IKE Aggressive Mode requests. LEA ( Log Export API ) is an API for accessing Checkpoint binary log files which are usually not in a clear text format.LEA is a pull mechanism by which a client retrieves the logs from the Check Point management station for real-time remote log analysis.
What to do
A hotfix is available at the Check Point software download site for the third item, in which the VPN-1 4.1 gateway would respond to IKE Aggressive Mode requests even when configured not to respond……
<snip>….
Well that’s clear then….after much deciphering I come to the conclusion that they reckon we should install a patch on our firewall…quite why they couldn’t say that is anyone’s guess….ah well, that’s techies for you…
10:45: Just out on a trip (good eh) to the Hopticians. I went for my two year sight test yesterday, with a smidge of an alterior motive. Basically I’ve been thinking about contact lenses for a little while, not for cosmetic reasons at all, but mainly because my ears have decided they don’t like my glasses and have come up in nasty little sores, also because I can’t wear my glasses playing football I tend to get hit in the face by the ball quite a lot..so today I had to go back for my consultation, and fit and trial 5 pairs of lenses…
11:00: Made it through the labyrinth that is the multi storey car park and I’ve arrived at my destination, lucky me forgot that Thursday is pension / pensioner shopping day…and town is full of doddery old people just stopping in front of me, when they dimly recognise someone who they once said hello to at the local post office 30 years ago….ah bless em…still I’m on time so I don’t care too much.
11:30: Ok been here 30 minutes (Clue’s in the company name…Aversion Express) should have guessed the name is ironic, cuh stupid me eh ?
11:40: Finally get to go in to the examination room where the same South African Optician proceeds to prod my eyeball and squirt some type of fluorine in my eyes. That all done he gets a pair of contact lenses and tries to fit them to my eyes, which are having none of it…”Try not to blink” he advises…hmmm..I wasn’t trying to blink so the chances of me trying not to blink are fairly slim, given that he’s got hold of my eyelid I’m not of a mind to tell him that blinking isn’t something you think about doing…it’s just something that happens….especially when someone is trying to stick foreign bodies in your eyeballs….Finally they’re fitted and it’s really weird…I can like see without glasses.
12:00: He’s wobbling on about the different sorts of lenses I can buy daily or monthly basically seem to be the options..but he’s only recommending daily’s because…they’re more expensive (big shock there)…he didn’t actually say that he said he thought they’d be better to start with but I know what he meant !!! “Right then” he announces, I’ll just go and see if there’s someone who can “teach” me how to put the lenses in and take them out again…should be fun. He’s gone for about 5 minutes then comes back and asks if It’s possible I can come back a little later on today…hmm…I think for a bout a millisecond and reply “sorry no, I can’t”, “how about tomorrow”, slightly confused I agree to go back at 11am tomorrow…kind of well planned out these people…I think they have shares in the car park since, with tomorrow’s appointment it’ll have cost me £6 in parking….hmmmm…..
12:30 Lunch
13:30 Back to work and I have to break the news to Mary….luckily she’s feeling friendly (which she usually is to be fair) and says that it’s fine…apparently though I owe her “presents” whatever that means…..
14:30: Not much to report now…I’m a bit deflated since I wanted to get everything sorted today…Brenty’s off now, because apparently (though no one can confirm it) he was in at 6am “ensuring” all the servers were up and working following last night’s power failure….hmmm..sounds like an excuse to leave early to me, but hey what do I care, good look to him….
15:30: Nothin’ much doing now…
17:00: Time to bloody go home…it’s been a frustrating day one way and another, so home to some good old fashioned home cooking, some kids screaming at each other, a double bill Eastenders wahay…life couldn’t get any better…
19:00: I’m getting a bit peeved…since there seems to be a bit of a sway away from our New Years Eve party. It might be that it’s only mid November and no one wants to think about New Year just yet or it might be that no one wants to come, despite them all saying how good it was last year and how we just simply had to do it all again this…mind you I remember having the same response last year, except people who said that they’d come are now saying that all of a sudden they can’t, it’s not like they were doing me a favour for Christ sake, but I do have costs to cover and if there aren’t going to be enough takers then we’ll have to cancel before we pay for the hall outright, and that would be really really annoying, for two reasons, 1. because I bought £500 worth of disco equipment and 2. because we’ll be stuck at home again, wishing away the hours until it’s midnight, so we can all go to bed..and how sad would that be…. Time to start pressing people for definitive answers I think…
Friday 18th November 2005
“oh yeah it’s really easy isn’t….not….” Lo all well here we go again…Not only have my attempt at getting some contact lenses finally come to fruition…and it only cost me £6 to park and three days to do it…but I have to go again to get “signed off” Signed up more like by the sounds of it….
08:30: Brenty was in bright and early again today (or so he says) so he’s going early too…oh yeah and it’s Friday…no coincidence there at all….
10:00: 1 hour to go until I go and get fitted up….
10:45: Keith our resident cheery bloke (the blissfully unaware) has expressed an interest in our New Years Eve party, so who knows we might have some more attendees…I’m not holding my breath at the moment though….
Just a quick mention Mandy is being very brave and going to the dentist….I don’t know why she worries but she does, so she’s spent a lovely sleepless night worrying about it…
11:10: Made it…bloody car park…why do all the doddery old f$ckers have to go to town the same time as me…I mean they’ve got arrows on the bloody floor, it’s not difficult to work out which way to go….god…for the second day running I’ve circumvented that by driving straight to the top of the car park…I can’t be bothered searching for a space…but it still took me 15 minutes to get parked…
Anyhow like I said I made it and as organised as ever I’m asked to go and sit on the orange waiting chairs…I don’t know what the chairs are waiting for, but I’m hoping It’s not an eye exam since there are loads of them…A little girl about 3 looks up at me and smiles..I smile back and she runs and hides in her mum’s lap…Well she didn’t have to smile at me…I wasn’t going to do anything mental like try and discuss the origins of the universe with her…15 minutes later I’m called through to have my “teaching” session…This is where they teach you to poke yourself in the eye and vainly try and insert a contact lens in each one, having only dropped them on the floor 3 times…the “teacher” says things like, “you know it’s really really easy once you get used to doing it” as she flicks her wrists and twiddles her fingers taking her lenses in and out each time…that really is showing off….finally we’re done and I can go to lunch…
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again…not much to report, Brenty and me moving servers from one room to another…
15:30: Brenty’s off he’s got a week off too lucky bugger…….
17:00: The weekend approaches so at least I’ll get a lie in …until 8am…cuh thank heaven for small mercies eh ?
Monday, November 07, 2005
Adventure 40: Friday 4th November 2005
“£50.00…that’s got to be the worlds most expensive pay and display ticket…..”
Well it’s been a little bit since my visit to Stun-The-Guards, and I can tell you with some assuredness that absolutely nothing has happened….we’ll begin the caper last Friday….
Friday 4th November 2005
08:30: I’m at work, it’s been possibly the most boring week of my life at work ever, Brenty was off with his toe…lucky him, so it’s all a bit dull…Basra Holohead was in and out so it was down to me to do the entertaining, and quiet Rob, had our visit to the Co Lo a facility that we pay for to host some of our servers, to plan. Not that he had much to do but we packed some servers up and they arrived ok. All he had to do was organise hiring a car, not much to ask now is it, but no, so the pocket rocket was made available for me to hurtle impressively down the M3.
09:45 Quiet Bob, is navigating since he’s punched in the post code to the place which is just behind kings cross station (apparentl), he’s obviously used the “Most complicated around the houses, taking in all the traffic jams you can find” option for his directions, since we’ve moved about 3 miles in the last 15 minutes….
10:50: We’ve made it…2 and a bit ours later..I’m summarily unimpressed. Why do these companies do this…Stun-The-Guards one week MFI (our new ISP) this week…not to be confused with the perm-sale furniture vendor (I’m allowed some artistic licence I think). They put a vital facility in the most inhospitable place you can find (I’ve seen the traffic wardens trust me).
Bob put’s a couple of quid in the machine and get’s a ticket which it then turns out is only for 1 hour. It’d be therefore £4 for 2 hours which is almost like daylight robbery…but the best on that is yet to come….So we’ve got to get a move on….We’ve got 3 servers to rack and run up to speed before we have to get going…this should be fun…
11:40: Ok 10 minutes to go and all is well…the servers are racked and powered up, we change addresses on the servers, but nothing…they won’t talk to each other on the network…. Rob phones Basra who suggests talking to MFI’s network guru the guy who set up our switch…Good thinking…we ask a passing geezer if he knows where he is…and his reply is that “john” is apparently working from home this week and next week…but he promises to phone him and get our servers sorted out….good we’ve got to rattle now….
11:45: 5 minutes to go and we’ve only got to hand our passes in…Quiet Rob then has an epiphany…he needs to go back to the rack and get the port numbers …doh!!!! I can see attilla the traffic warden wandering up the road towards my car, damn why did I move it nearer…no sign of Rob….My mind starts playing tricks on me, convincing me that she’s going to give us a few minutes…..
11:55: Five minutes over, well I think we’re ok…we walk over to the car…and damn it…the sticky packet is attached to my windscreen…parking ticket included…thanks Bob. What’s even better is that it’s £50 !!!!! If I pay it within the 14 days that is, but if not they make it a whopping £100. To make life even easier to bear we now have to submit ourselves to getting out of this god forsaken place and back to the relative quiet of the Hampshire countryside.
14:30: We make it back to Don’t Be Daft Inc and I make enquiries in to the forlorn hope of whether I can claim the cost of the ticket as expenses…Hey guess what not a chance…
Saturday 5th November
07:00: Yes there’s no rest for the wicket Ryan, has stage school at 8:30 this morning, mega rehearsals in progress for his part (the scarecrow) in his latest production of The Wizard of Oz….Jack is out on a sleep over this evening and then at a party on Sunday so the weekend is going to be a fairly quiet affair, which given the weather conditions (blowing a bloody gale and chucking it down) is just as well… Still Monday beckons…I can’t wait….
Sunday 6th November
Nothing of substance to report….though we do make a start on our new years invitations which are looking a bit swanky this year (even if I do say so myself).
Monday 7th November
08:30: Made it to work just about, I’m really not feeling like being here, but Brenty’s made it in even with his toe along with Quiet Rob and Basra, so we’re at full strength….
09:00: Nunob is in too, he had to help Basra on Sunday reboot all the servers after I deployed patches to them….so it’s not a great surprise that he’s found something to have a whinge about, namely a rubbish bin full of paper and plastic he’s retrieved from the data centres, which admittedly shouldn’t have been there, but saying in his loudest voice, “this isn’t good enough and we have to make sure it doesn’t happen again” just makes him and us look like complete idiots…
10:00: All is not well with Basra, he’s looking decidedly unhappy, it must be his turn this week…
11:00: The fire alarm is sounding and this can mean only one thing….the dreaded fire drill. To a one, the IT department grab all their belongings (very naughty), and make for the nearest exits…like sheep we’re following everyone else since they seem to know where they’re going….luckily…
11:15: Back inside now…and we’re all waiting with baited breath to receive the email from Diana ‘The Hun’ (ex east german shot putter) telling us who will be sacrificed in front of the Fire Drill god, for their untimely exit and how well the rest of us have done in getting out of the building. The record I think stands at 6 minutes 36 seconds…so we could be in with a shout……
12:30: Lunch…
13:30: Back, and no sign of Nunob…I discover a little later that he’s now off until Thursday…excellent some peace at last.
14:30: I go to pay my parking ticket on line…but no sign of the bleeding thing, I must have left it at home…
15:00: Apart from one department who’s going to get a stern talking to the rest of us managed to get out of the building in 6 minutes and 31 seconds, a new DBD record and we’re all feeling pretty pleased with ourselves….
17:00: Off to football now, to run off some of my hatred for the job I do and the people I do it for….
Tuesday 8th November
08:30: Made it in to work and I hook up my laptop to it’s docking station and log in to check the backups…oh dear oh dear oh dear…it’s a complete mess something has locked the tape drives together in a deadly embrace, so I’m having to cancel jobs left right and centre…these could take a while to complete….
10:00: It’s all true you know, it is Basra’s turn…he’s mentioned an email he’s got from Nunob, and feels compelled to tell me that he’s feeling completely de-motivated…welcome to the team is what I’m thinking, but I listen and try and offer him words of encouragement. I’m afraid it’s the best I can do.
11:00: Doing my expenses, I’m including everything I can lay my hands on, since I have a parking fine to pay. Mary Tyrant and Quiet Rob, have agreed to pay a third of it since I can’t claim it back, so all I have to do now is to find enough in my expenses to cover the rest of the cost….
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again, no Nunob today and no Mary, so it’s all a bit on the quiet side. Singing is my great outlet, so I rustle up a few good tunes in my head and let the rest of the department hear them in my best club singer voice….they’ll all be singing them tonight I can guarantee you……
The rest of the day and the week in fact just melt in to a pool of despair…saved only slightly by the announcement that a. Basra Hollohead is now to be known as Harry Blowagay, Quiet Bob and Gazra (2nd line desky) have been spending a lot of time at hotels together…nudge nudge wink wink, say no bleedin more..oh yeah and Nunob isn’t going to be in for two whole weeks….think I’ll buy a lottery ticket at the weekend….
Well it’s been a little bit since my visit to Stun-The-Guards, and I can tell you with some assuredness that absolutely nothing has happened….we’ll begin the caper last Friday….
Friday 4th November 2005
08:30: I’m at work, it’s been possibly the most boring week of my life at work ever, Brenty was off with his toe…lucky him, so it’s all a bit dull…Basra Holohead was in and out so it was down to me to do the entertaining, and quiet Rob, had our visit to the Co Lo a facility that we pay for to host some of our servers, to plan. Not that he had much to do but we packed some servers up and they arrived ok. All he had to do was organise hiring a car, not much to ask now is it, but no, so the pocket rocket was made available for me to hurtle impressively down the M3.
09:45 Quiet Bob, is navigating since he’s punched in the post code to the place which is just behind kings cross station (apparentl), he’s obviously used the “Most complicated around the houses, taking in all the traffic jams you can find” option for his directions, since we’ve moved about 3 miles in the last 15 minutes….
10:50: We’ve made it…2 and a bit ours later..I’m summarily unimpressed. Why do these companies do this…Stun-The-Guards one week MFI (our new ISP) this week…not to be confused with the perm-sale furniture vendor (I’m allowed some artistic licence I think). They put a vital facility in the most inhospitable place you can find (I’ve seen the traffic wardens trust me).
Bob put’s a couple of quid in the machine and get’s a ticket which it then turns out is only for 1 hour. It’d be therefore £4 for 2 hours which is almost like daylight robbery…but the best on that is yet to come….So we’ve got to get a move on….We’ve got 3 servers to rack and run up to speed before we have to get going…this should be fun…
11:40: Ok 10 minutes to go and all is well…the servers are racked and powered up, we change addresses on the servers, but nothing…they won’t talk to each other on the network…. Rob phones Basra who suggests talking to MFI’s network guru the guy who set up our switch…Good thinking…we ask a passing geezer if he knows where he is…and his reply is that “john” is apparently working from home this week and next week…but he promises to phone him and get our servers sorted out….good we’ve got to rattle now….
11:45: 5 minutes to go and we’ve only got to hand our passes in…Quiet Rob then has an epiphany…he needs to go back to the rack and get the port numbers …doh!!!! I can see attilla the traffic warden wandering up the road towards my car, damn why did I move it nearer…no sign of Rob….My mind starts playing tricks on me, convincing me that she’s going to give us a few minutes…..
11:55: Five minutes over, well I think we’re ok…we walk over to the car…and damn it…the sticky packet is attached to my windscreen…parking ticket included…thanks Bob. What’s even better is that it’s £50 !!!!! If I pay it within the 14 days that is, but if not they make it a whopping £100. To make life even easier to bear we now have to submit ourselves to getting out of this god forsaken place and back to the relative quiet of the Hampshire countryside.
14:30: We make it back to Don’t Be Daft Inc and I make enquiries in to the forlorn hope of whether I can claim the cost of the ticket as expenses…Hey guess what not a chance…
Saturday 5th November
07:00: Yes there’s no rest for the wicket Ryan, has stage school at 8:30 this morning, mega rehearsals in progress for his part (the scarecrow) in his latest production of The Wizard of Oz….Jack is out on a sleep over this evening and then at a party on Sunday so the weekend is going to be a fairly quiet affair, which given the weather conditions (blowing a bloody gale and chucking it down) is just as well… Still Monday beckons…I can’t wait….
Sunday 6th November
Nothing of substance to report….though we do make a start on our new years invitations which are looking a bit swanky this year (even if I do say so myself).
Monday 7th November
08:30: Made it to work just about, I’m really not feeling like being here, but Brenty’s made it in even with his toe along with Quiet Rob and Basra, so we’re at full strength….
09:00: Nunob is in too, he had to help Basra on Sunday reboot all the servers after I deployed patches to them….so it’s not a great surprise that he’s found something to have a whinge about, namely a rubbish bin full of paper and plastic he’s retrieved from the data centres, which admittedly shouldn’t have been there, but saying in his loudest voice, “this isn’t good enough and we have to make sure it doesn’t happen again” just makes him and us look like complete idiots…
10:00: All is not well with Basra, he’s looking decidedly unhappy, it must be his turn this week…
11:00: The fire alarm is sounding and this can mean only one thing….the dreaded fire drill. To a one, the IT department grab all their belongings (very naughty), and make for the nearest exits…like sheep we’re following everyone else since they seem to know where they’re going….luckily…
11:15: Back inside now…and we’re all waiting with baited breath to receive the email from Diana ‘The Hun’ (ex east german shot putter) telling us who will be sacrificed in front of the Fire Drill god, for their untimely exit and how well the rest of us have done in getting out of the building. The record I think stands at 6 minutes 36 seconds…so we could be in with a shout……
12:30: Lunch…
13:30: Back, and no sign of Nunob…I discover a little later that he’s now off until Thursday…excellent some peace at last.
14:30: I go to pay my parking ticket on line…but no sign of the bleeding thing, I must have left it at home…
15:00: Apart from one department who’s going to get a stern talking to the rest of us managed to get out of the building in 6 minutes and 31 seconds, a new DBD record and we’re all feeling pretty pleased with ourselves….
17:00: Off to football now, to run off some of my hatred for the job I do and the people I do it for….
Tuesday 8th November
08:30: Made it in to work and I hook up my laptop to it’s docking station and log in to check the backups…oh dear oh dear oh dear…it’s a complete mess something has locked the tape drives together in a deadly embrace, so I’m having to cancel jobs left right and centre…these could take a while to complete….
10:00: It’s all true you know, it is Basra’s turn…he’s mentioned an email he’s got from Nunob, and feels compelled to tell me that he’s feeling completely de-motivated…welcome to the team is what I’m thinking, but I listen and try and offer him words of encouragement. I’m afraid it’s the best I can do.
11:00: Doing my expenses, I’m including everything I can lay my hands on, since I have a parking fine to pay. Mary Tyrant and Quiet Rob, have agreed to pay a third of it since I can’t claim it back, so all I have to do now is to find enough in my expenses to cover the rest of the cost….
12:30: Lunch
13:30: Back again, no Nunob today and no Mary, so it’s all a bit on the quiet side. Singing is my great outlet, so I rustle up a few good tunes in my head and let the rest of the department hear them in my best club singer voice….they’ll all be singing them tonight I can guarantee you……
The rest of the day and the week in fact just melt in to a pool of despair…saved only slightly by the announcement that a. Basra Hollohead is now to be known as Harry Blowagay, Quiet Bob and Gazra (2nd line desky) have been spending a lot of time at hotels together…nudge nudge wink wink, say no bleedin more..oh yeah and Nunob isn’t going to be in for two whole weeks….think I’ll buy a lottery ticket at the weekend….
