Sunday, February 06, 2005
Adventure 5: 7th February 2005
"....yes with the masher....", reet sorry, apologies for the last entry should've been Adventure 4, and I bet someone bright spark is going to point that out to me real soon...
Friday:
18:00: Phew just got in, and I'm annoyed, it's taken me 8 minutes to get home, poxy learner drivers !!!
18:01: Kids are quiet I think...no screaming "leave me aloooooooooone", no "I didn't touch him" what the hell is going on...I open the front door from the inside, to check I've come back to the right place, then I check the front room to make sure they haven't moved and not told me...Nope no sign of anyone, then I hear the familar sound of a herd of elephants bounding down the stairs, yup it's Ryan, with a rucksack !!! Could my evening get any better ? Thank god for sleepovers that's all I can say.
18:30: I sit down at the table and much my way through my dinner, proper oven chips and chicken nuggets, fan-bloody-tastic, no, I mean it, it's been eon's since I had decent oven chip in fact any type of chip at all (if you don't count last weeks fishcake and chips from the local chinky!!). The wife's in a bit of a panic, Jack has had a friend over, I say friend when I actually mean, small child like creature, who doesn't speak, and they spend all their time not speaking to each other while one plays the playstation, gameboy, computer (delete where applicable) and the other plays the playstation, gameboy, computer (delete where applicable), try as they might they can't seem to do anything together apart from follow each other around when there's food in the offing. Anyhow I digress....
"what's up" I say,
"I'm late taking James back",
"James ?" I say, having already clocked the extra pair of velcroed trainers by the front door, "Yeah, Jack had a friend over for tea" she replies,
he chose not to eat this one then !! I think to myself,
"oh ok" I say "what's the rush ?",
"well I was supposed to have him back by 6 and it's gone half past, his mum will be wondering where he is" she says in a panic, gulping the last of her yogurt down,
"Ok I say" now I know I'm going to regret it, but I ask anyway,
"so, why not phone her and explain" I utter innocently,
"I haven't got her number" the wife replies, cuh stupid me eh?,
"isn't she in the book" I ask even more innocently than before,
"I don't know she replies, James has one of those (trendy) double-barrelled names" (heh ever wonder why double-barrell is hyphenated ? (little things eh)...again I digress..
"so I don't know if she's a baker or a smith, or a baker-smith"
"ah, well you could always give directory enquiries a ring and give them the address"
"well I would she says but I'm not 100% sure where he lives",
"right, well you'd better get going then", "I'll do the washing up" (god I'm a great guy aren't I ?
Saturday:
09:45: Just got up (god I love weekends), Ryan has literally just walked through the door, a dishevelled mess, no change there then, 5 mins and we have to leave for stage school, I explain this to him, "Ok" he says and disappears upstairs to complete the domination of some foreign land via playstation transport..
09:56: "RYAN !!!! we have to go NOW", a strop ensues, how dare I ask him to come and get in the nice warm car and get driven to his stage school for his drama lession, I mean how unreasonable am I ?
10:04: Drop Ryan off at stage school, and proceed to the hell on earth that is Homebase. This place has this unerring nack of releiving me of my hard earned cash. I'm looking for a waste for the downstairs toilet sink (we're replacing that...note the emphasis on we there when I actually mean I'm replacing, having been told that's what I'm doing by my good wife, see partnership in action !!) Any how this is a bit of a challenge, luckily for me I only spent £70 this time...got off lightly I think, then I think "no, coz now you've got to go to B& Queue for avery long time while our till staff smoke weed or something"..so off I toddle, I park in the deserted part of the car park, just coz I like my doors the shape they are, and trek the seven miles to the main entrance, "this is too simple", I've found a flexible waste (wahay!) that's no good for anything and a connector pipe that won't fit when I get it home, not to mention all the wood i need to make the complete cock up (prior to buying all the wood again and doing it right second time), new bathroom under-sink cabinet, I escape with a bill for £40, which I think is pretty good, and I've almost completely forgotten the silly cow in homebase who constantly asks me "would you like some new PVC windows or doors, or a conservatory ?" with a beaming smile on her face...everytime I try not to look at her and everytime she manages to make me...I'm running out of excuses...so I use the "sorry love I'm a gypsy" that seems to throw her (until the next time)...so I jump back in the car, well that would be simple wouldn't it...having parked in a part of the car park with no cars within a 70 mile radius, you'd think I'd just get back in the car...no no I have to squeeze myself in throw a gap about an inch wide because somebody has bloody well parked next to me...If it hadn't happened so many times I'd lose it but no, I manage to get in whilst making sure my jeans rivets scrape the side of the numb nuts who decided to park next to me... I know it's a woman, I just do, that's what women do in a car park of 700 spaces, with about 60% of them unfilled they decide they're going to park next to the bright shiny sports car just to piss the driver off....aaaaggghhghghgh...
The other week though on my way back to the car I spot this ferrari tessatorossa, who the hell takes a ferrari to B&Q ? Anyone in their right mind ? I think not, I put it down to joy riders abondoning it...I can imagine the conversation "shall we take the aston, or the ferrari today dear ?", "oh the ferrari I think, we can get more cement bags in boot"...
I digress again...anyhow I make it back on to the race track that is the drive home, lucky having a V6 I can just zoom up someone's arse which is always theraputic...
11:00: Get home and unload the car, try out my useless flexible waste (and it was) and the other pipe thing, neither of which fit, so I bodge the waste together with pipes I had, run the taps and yup you guessed it, it leaks, did i mention that "I don't do plumbing"...anyway a couple of hours later I've got it nailed no leaks (yet)....
15:00: Take Jack and Ryan swimming, I'm not looking forward to it, but it's ok, I've got goggles, but no I suddenly remember, these are Ryan's goggles so I ask the girl on the desk If I can buy some, "no sorry we've sold out, but we should be getting some more in tomorrow", quick as a flash she's let me in to her sad little world, "not much use to me tomorrow if I'm swimming today though, are they" i say as sarcastically as I can, she devoid of any understanding of what sarcasm is, says "heheh, no spose not, they won't be here until 5pm any way"....aaaarghh...
Anyhow we get in the pool it's not too bad for the chemical soup that it is, I reckon my eyes have about 30mins before they start leaving their sockets of their own accord...
16:30: Made it back to the car, with the help of a blind man's guide dog (he was helping me to see !!) and I somehow manage to drive us home.
16:45: "You know that sink"...the wife asks, as if I could forget it, "yes" I reply, " well I think it's leaking again" like a fool I ask "what makes you think that", why ? why did I ask, "well there's a bit of a puddle on the floor"...aah that'll do it then...The next hour is spent with me cursing this bloody thing...but finally I think I've got it nailed, definitely no leaks, not a hint of a leak, it's not leaking...
Sunday:
11:00: Got up late, feel like it too...but we're over to Supa Dave or The Silver Flash, as he's sometimes known, the wife's dad. Her mum's their painting fence panels...He's going to help me find out where this oil leak is coming from...turns out it's the oil filter, so that's quite quickly resolved..
11:45: Olly, (the mother in law) is talking to Mandy (the wife) about a concert Ryan wants to do..."well I think the Tunisian's need our help", I look at Mandy, then I look at Dave (who just shakes his head)..."do you mean the Tsunami victims" I ask innocently...think we'll chalk that one up ;-)...
Friday:
18:00: Phew just got in, and I'm annoyed, it's taken me 8 minutes to get home, poxy learner drivers !!!
18:01: Kids are quiet I think...no screaming "leave me aloooooooooone", no "I didn't touch him" what the hell is going on...I open the front door from the inside, to check I've come back to the right place, then I check the front room to make sure they haven't moved and not told me...Nope no sign of anyone, then I hear the familar sound of a herd of elephants bounding down the stairs, yup it's Ryan, with a rucksack !!! Could my evening get any better ? Thank god for sleepovers that's all I can say.
18:30: I sit down at the table and much my way through my dinner, proper oven chips and chicken nuggets, fan-bloody-tastic, no, I mean it, it's been eon's since I had decent oven chip in fact any type of chip at all (if you don't count last weeks fishcake and chips from the local chinky!!). The wife's in a bit of a panic, Jack has had a friend over, I say friend when I actually mean, small child like creature, who doesn't speak, and they spend all their time not speaking to each other while one plays the playstation, gameboy, computer (delete where applicable) and the other plays the playstation, gameboy, computer (delete where applicable), try as they might they can't seem to do anything together apart from follow each other around when there's food in the offing. Anyhow I digress....
"what's up" I say,
"I'm late taking James back",
"James ?" I say, having already clocked the extra pair of velcroed trainers by the front door, "Yeah, Jack had a friend over for tea" she replies,
he chose not to eat this one then !! I think to myself,
"oh ok" I say "what's the rush ?",
"well I was supposed to have him back by 6 and it's gone half past, his mum will be wondering where he is" she says in a panic, gulping the last of her yogurt down,
"Ok I say" now I know I'm going to regret it, but I ask anyway,
"so, why not phone her and explain" I utter innocently,
"I haven't got her number" the wife replies, cuh stupid me eh?,
"isn't she in the book" I ask even more innocently than before,
"I don't know she replies, James has one of those (trendy) double-barrelled names" (heh ever wonder why double-barrell is hyphenated ? (little things eh)...again I digress..
"so I don't know if she's a baker or a smith, or a baker-smith"
"ah, well you could always give directory enquiries a ring and give them the address"
"well I would she says but I'm not 100% sure where he lives",
"right, well you'd better get going then", "I'll do the washing up" (god I'm a great guy aren't I ?
Saturday:
09:45: Just got up (god I love weekends), Ryan has literally just walked through the door, a dishevelled mess, no change there then, 5 mins and we have to leave for stage school, I explain this to him, "Ok" he says and disappears upstairs to complete the domination of some foreign land via playstation transport..
09:56: "RYAN !!!! we have to go NOW", a strop ensues, how dare I ask him to come and get in the nice warm car and get driven to his stage school for his drama lession, I mean how unreasonable am I ?
10:04: Drop Ryan off at stage school, and proceed to the hell on earth that is Homebase. This place has this unerring nack of releiving me of my hard earned cash. I'm looking for a waste for the downstairs toilet sink (we're replacing that...note the emphasis on we there when I actually mean I'm replacing, having been told that's what I'm doing by my good wife, see partnership in action !!) Any how this is a bit of a challenge, luckily for me I only spent £70 this time...got off lightly I think, then I think "no, coz now you've got to go to B& Queue for avery long time while our till staff smoke weed or something"..so off I toddle, I park in the deserted part of the car park, just coz I like my doors the shape they are, and trek the seven miles to the main entrance, "this is too simple", I've found a flexible waste (wahay!) that's no good for anything and a connector pipe that won't fit when I get it home, not to mention all the wood i need to make the complete cock up (prior to buying all the wood again and doing it right second time), new bathroom under-sink cabinet, I escape with a bill for £40, which I think is pretty good, and I've almost completely forgotten the silly cow in homebase who constantly asks me "would you like some new PVC windows or doors, or a conservatory ?" with a beaming smile on her face...everytime I try not to look at her and everytime she manages to make me...I'm running out of excuses...so I use the "sorry love I'm a gypsy" that seems to throw her (until the next time)...so I jump back in the car, well that would be simple wouldn't it...having parked in a part of the car park with no cars within a 70 mile radius, you'd think I'd just get back in the car...no no I have to squeeze myself in throw a gap about an inch wide because somebody has bloody well parked next to me...If it hadn't happened so many times I'd lose it but no, I manage to get in whilst making sure my jeans rivets scrape the side of the numb nuts who decided to park next to me... I know it's a woman, I just do, that's what women do in a car park of 700 spaces, with about 60% of them unfilled they decide they're going to park next to the bright shiny sports car just to piss the driver off....aaaaggghhghghgh...
The other week though on my way back to the car I spot this ferrari tessatorossa, who the hell takes a ferrari to B&Q ? Anyone in their right mind ? I think not, I put it down to joy riders abondoning it...I can imagine the conversation "shall we take the aston, or the ferrari today dear ?", "oh the ferrari I think, we can get more cement bags in boot"...
I digress again...anyhow I make it back on to the race track that is the drive home, lucky having a V6 I can just zoom up someone's arse which is always theraputic...
11:00: Get home and unload the car, try out my useless flexible waste (and it was) and the other pipe thing, neither of which fit, so I bodge the waste together with pipes I had, run the taps and yup you guessed it, it leaks, did i mention that "I don't do plumbing"...anyway a couple of hours later I've got it nailed no leaks (yet)....
15:00: Take Jack and Ryan swimming, I'm not looking forward to it, but it's ok, I've got goggles, but no I suddenly remember, these are Ryan's goggles so I ask the girl on the desk If I can buy some, "no sorry we've sold out, but we should be getting some more in tomorrow", quick as a flash she's let me in to her sad little world, "not much use to me tomorrow if I'm swimming today though, are they" i say as sarcastically as I can, she devoid of any understanding of what sarcasm is, says "heheh, no spose not, they won't be here until 5pm any way"....aaaarghh...
Anyhow we get in the pool it's not too bad for the chemical soup that it is, I reckon my eyes have about 30mins before they start leaving their sockets of their own accord...
16:30: Made it back to the car, with the help of a blind man's guide dog (he was helping me to see !!) and I somehow manage to drive us home.
16:45: "You know that sink"...the wife asks, as if I could forget it, "yes" I reply, " well I think it's leaking again" like a fool I ask "what makes you think that", why ? why did I ask, "well there's a bit of a puddle on the floor"...aah that'll do it then...The next hour is spent with me cursing this bloody thing...but finally I think I've got it nailed, definitely no leaks, not a hint of a leak, it's not leaking...
Sunday:
11:00: Got up late, feel like it too...but we're over to Supa Dave or The Silver Flash, as he's sometimes known, the wife's dad. Her mum's their painting fence panels...He's going to help me find out where this oil leak is coming from...turns out it's the oil filter, so that's quite quickly resolved..
11:45: Olly, (the mother in law) is talking to Mandy (the wife) about a concert Ryan wants to do..."well I think the Tunisian's need our help", I look at Mandy, then I look at Dave (who just shakes his head)..."do you mean the Tsunami victims" I ask innocently...think we'll chalk that one up ;-)...
# posted by cre8 @ 4:12 PM 
